Plead Down to Your Lesser Crimes, Remy Ma!
Remy Ma was arrested for attempted murder this weekend after shooting her long-time friend in the stomach over what appears to be some cash. I dig her brand of hardcore chick hip-hop (she killed it on the Ante Up Remix), but the broad is really just nasty. I think she should plead down to her lesser crimes, including but not limited to:
1.Getting Mollywopped in a Freestyle Battle. I watched a freestyle battle between her and Lady Luck and Remy got her weave handed to her after that tongue-thrashing. She started out strong with a rhyme that was obviously rehearsed and then pooped out in the second round. It was enough for me to stop respecting her.
2. Self-Aggrandizing and Gratuitous Blasphemy. You’re so great, you’re like Jesus, I get that, but to be half naked nailed to a cross calling yourself She-us Christ? Do you think you’re Madonna or some other free-speech trailblazer or are you just pathetically trying to create a buzz? I’m not a religious person but a lot of people care about this kind of thing, including the few people who would’ve actually purchased your album because they’re too moral to download it from Limewire…so really smart business move there, Rems.
3. Crimes of Fashion. You may not believe this, but Remy Ma does have a stylist. I often think that homegirl is playing an elaborate practical joke on Remy by stuffing and fluffing her breasts in a way that takes the outfit from tacky to just plain stank. If you haven’t noticed, Remy Ma consistently looks like a steamy turd even in garments that could have been cute on someone else. I’m willing to accept the two-tone hair as “her thing,” but as far as weaves go she always appears to be on her way to the shop to get that mess tightened.
This would have been a great Flo-Jo costume. Can’t condone it as an outfit, though.
She makes Dior look like Rainbow Shop even when she’s not exposed.
This is her with the friend she shot. Her torso looks like something from the streets of Chinatown.
Cleaved-up overalls? In 2006? On the red carpet? Why be a hoodrat when other people are in evening gowns?
4. Shoveling Dirt on Hip-Hop’s Grave. I’m mostly just mad that the headlines have to read “Another Rapper Arrested.”