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Reader Submissions

19 July 2007 11 Comments


“Black girl #1: … And you know white girls don’t wear no panties!

Black girl #2: I don’t wear panties either… I mean, I do when I go out, but when I’m at home my labias be swingin‘.

What Would Thembi Do?”

– John “The Stem-Eater” Burton

Hmmm, that’s a toughie. First, I’m pretty sure white girls wear panties or else they’d only sell them at Beauty Supply stores like hair grease or something. I’d probably be too disturbed to tell homegirl that there is no such word as “labias,” since “labia” is the plural form of “labium,” and if her jawns are swingin‘ she needs to see a gyno, or at least place a call to Dr. Sue Johanson on her Oxygen network call-in show. Things shouldn’t “swing” down there…


  • Emily said:

    i blame britney, lindsay, and paris: the trifecta of flashing swinging flapping LABIAS.

  • natural muze said:

    HILARIOUS! yeah, nothing should be flapping down there AT ALL…i don’t even know what they would CALL that problem.

  • Ginneh said:

    I’ve known you for a long time and I’ve never been more sure than this moment that you are insane.

  • Dara said:

    maybe that girl was referring to both her inner AND out labia swinging, hmm? perhaps it works like a pendulum…

  • Aaliyah said:

    god bless john burton. i hope you are receiving the proper therapy that is surely needed after overhearing such a convo…labias…scary…

  • Aida said:

    there WAS a caller on talk sex with sue johannsen who asked about her enlarged labia! okay, i don’t know why i am posting this with my name affixed. but sue said it was okay and that she should not pursue reconstructive surgery. then again, there was no mention of swinging…

  • Invisible Woman said:

    is a “stem eater” what i think it is? that’s all I wanna know

  • Thembi said:

    Whenever someone sends in a reader submission I make up a nickname for them. Long story: John and I ate lunch at a Paris bistro and had delicious stuffed zucchini. When we finished, I had the stem of the zucchini left over, John didn’t. The waiter looked at him like he was some sort of beast. So our joke became “le negre a mange le tige!” which translates into “the negro ate the stem!”

    I still wonder you’re referring to Invisible Woman!

  • Invisible Woman said:

    That is hilarious! Much better than what my gutter mind envisioned (it has nothing to do with vegetables, but has been compared to a flower). Use your imagination…if you still don’t get it, let me know :-)

  • Nancy said:

    Having been up close and personal with sixty or so vajay-jays this year for my book…many of ’em do be swingin’….and swinging low, especially after kids.

  • hottnikz said:

    LMAO @ invisible…my mind was in the gutter too!

    I’m glad to see I’m not the only one who watches Dr. Sue Johanson. She is so informative.

    Wow “labias be swinging”. Why even go as far as to try to be proper and call them “labias” when your still ghetto as hell?! It would have sound much better for her to call them jawns, like you did Thembi. BTW that’s TMI, don’t you think? I mean, best friend or not.

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