Good Hair Gone Bad: Allen Payne

Thembi Ford 1 August 2007 16 Comments

Good Hair: I loooooved Allen Payne. I loved him as Lance on The Cosby Show, I loved him as Jason in Jason’s Lyric, and I loved him as G-Money in New Jack City. I actually met him in 2000 in LA, where he and Dondre Whitfield (Robert from The Cosby Show) were seeing A Perfect Storm. I almost fainted and had to hide behind a mall kiosk and get myself together before going up to him and pretending not to know exactly who he was, which turned into me gushing about how wonderful I think he is. Allen asked me and my girlfriends if we thought a remake of The Mack starring himself as an internet pimp would be enjoyable, turning to me and saying “Well, I know I already have your support, but I mean, for someone who’s not a super-fan.” That was the moment where I personally soured on him because in reality no I would NOT like to see such a movie. Puh-leeze, I didn’t even see A Perfect Storm. It’s just that I have a soft spot for overbites and he has cute buns. There, I said it.

Gone: Ok, he didn’t really go anywhere, he just got really scarce. By 2000’s Perfect Storm seeing Allen around was a real treat. He appeared a number of straight-to-dvd movies and turned into Tyler Perry’s stage-play golden boy, appearing in dozens of shows all over the country. Oh, and he was also in the disastrous Vampire in Brooklyn. This is when Allen went from plain “lightskinned” with some cute curls to having chemically induced “good hair”. His curl slowly evolved from a tendril-y flattop to a mushy s-curl. Can anyone say they actually like s-curls?

Bad: I support black media but House of Payne may be the worst show I have ever seen. I watched it just to see my boo, only to find that his good hair had collapsed into this neat and shiny packet of s-curl sadness. The show itself is abysmal unless you enjoy the mix of message-laden drama and intermittent coonery that stage-plays are known for, thanks to writer Tyler Perry. I mean it is BAD, in spite of the fact that I get to see an all black cast. It feels blasphemous to wish that a black show get cancelled, but House of Payne needs to go – if that little girl gets any more grown she’ll be going through menopause by the age of 25, and the grandfather character is the closest thing to KKK paraphernalia I’ve seen on this side of the Mason-Dixon line. Allen is the only real actor on that show but the rest is so bad that I can’t even focus on him. He’s actually a good actor and is holding up well for his age. Allen, let the curl go and come home to me, baby!

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16 Comments »

hottnikz said:

I was crushing on him big time back in the day.I said the same thing about the show. I think Allen is the only good thing about the show, but who could actually focus on him with all the BS in the way! I don’t really think the show storyline is bad, just all the extra stuff. And those stage-play actors.

# 1 August 2007 at 6:13 pm

afro jamaicano said:

ya’ll see allen payne’s chest in jason’s lyric? ooohh it looked like a forest of curly black hair haha!

i luv jason’s lyric, new jack city, blue hill ave, and i love allen payne haha!! is he married? he better attach himself to a woman b4 the gay rumours start to fly! i hate to say it buh, i hate to luv “house of payne” it’s stupid, coonish, bufunery, buh it’s kinda funny…

# 1 August 2007 at 7:49 pm

afro jamaicano said:

see for urself:

http://www.allenpayne.net/forthaladies.html

# 1 August 2007 at 7:56 pm

Thembi said:

Ooh nice pics! I voted that its better hairy lol.

# 1 August 2007 at 7:59 pm

Coco LaRue said:

He looks a mess, but I’d still smash. LMAO!

# 1 August 2007 at 9:51 pm

Ginneh said:

VAMPIRE IN BROOKLYN. sigh.

# 2 August 2007 at 12:19 pm

natural muze said:

yeah, house of payne is just horrible. i mean, REALLY horrible. lol. but like you, i’ve always had a thing for mr. payne. the hair thing has to stop though, seriously. and that chest hair, NOT feeling it. on him or anyone else. lol.

# 2 August 2007 at 5:25 pm

Invisible Woman said:

Wow. That second picture is killin’ me softly.

# 2 August 2007 at 10:28 pm

Invisible Woman said:

Ooops I meant 3rd!

# 2 August 2007 at 10:29 pm

Blogxilla said:

yo Wesley has had terrible cuts in all of his films.. think about it.

# 3 August 2007 at 8:26 pm

S.K. said:

there was a BET movie called Commitment – Starring sexy ass Allen Payne *drinks water at the flashback* yeah he’s hot!!!

# 3 August 2007 at 10:40 pm

Thembi said:

Wesley Snipe’s hair won’t hold a cut right. Its texture is what an old person would call “our original stuff,” or “bad hair” if you will.

# 4 August 2007 at 3:09 pm

TotalAlisa said:

Hey i created a new ALLEN PAYNE forum… and would love for everyone to join.. so many fans are scattered and it would be a place for us discuss and answer questions about allen payne…

http://z7.invisionfree.com/ALLEN_PAYNE/index.php?

# 13 August 2007 at 11:59 pm

Julian said:

an allen payne forum? this internet thing has gone too far.

# 17 August 2007 at 12:23 pm

Anonymous said:

He’s always looked like he wears a toupee.

# 29 October 2007 at 10:03 am

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THROWBACK POST!!

Police Sketches of Black Dudes

By Thembi Ford on September 26, 2007

Police sketch artist drawings of black people are notoriously poor and rarely look like anyone in particular. I’m convinced that when asked to describe the suspect, witnesses just describe the last black male they saw, even if they last saw a black male on television. So I did a little Thembi-style experiment by going online and digging up dozens of sketches of black suspects to see just who the strong arm of the law is looking for.

Posted in Not Racist Cuz It's True., Our Shame, What the Eff?, Yipes! | 22 Responses

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