"What The Eff?" Wednesday: Bumper Balls
I was driving home from work last week and an annoying gas guzzling truck changed lanes in front of me. I noticed something funny hanging from the back and thought maybe part of a package was falling out of the truck. Once I focused in I realized it was some kind of decorative ornament, and after focusing further I realized what I was looking at and snagged this photo.
I’m no prude, but do I really need to see a pasty dangling scrotum in my field of vision during rush hour? My friend tells me that he has seen these before but I haven’t, so I did a little investigation by putting “car nuts” into Google. There are at least 5 different websites that sell “Bumper Nutz” ranging from $20 – $50 and of varying sizes and colors including camouflage, Black Tuxedo (‘for that special evening’), Chocolate, Juicy Orange, Brass, Blue (‘for married truckers’), and ‘Nutz of Steel’. The site says “A day of crusin around on your motorcycle is just not complete unless you have a pair of hawg nuts hanging off the back for everyone to see. Women love a man with a nice big one pound solid set of nuts slapped on the back of their Harley!”
Do we now? What’s weirder is that every scrotum on every site I visited has the left testicle hanging lower than the right. Is that standard? Why are they veiny like that when they are only intended to be seen from afar? Why must they swing and hang so? Has the vulgarity of insecurity and male bravado completely taken over our society or what? I’m spent.