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"What The Eff?" Wednesday: Pocket Songs Karaoke Cast of Negroes

23 January 2008 15 Comments

I’m going all out this week because the WTF-ness of this is just something I refuse to keep to myself. Last week my old friend Brandon, via WWTD reader Aaliyah, sent me this, which he found while innocently looking for info on the new Erykah Badu album:

Hunh? Kim Wayans, is that you? What is this do-rag about? And why the Frugal Fannie’s suit? And why the hell would anyone pair Aaliyah with Erykah Badu?

OK, I thought, this is a freak occurrence. Just to be sure, I started browsing Amazon and found these:

WHAT!?!? Again with the do-rag and shoulder pads, again with the nonsensical artist pairing, but this time I notice that these CDs were released in 1997. A decade ago, yes, but isn’t it time for an update? More investigation is needed. Who is this do-rag broad? The company that makes these CDs, PocketSongs, is based in the United States and has various karaoke CDs for sale with updated covers on their website. So the question becomes, what manner of plantation is Pocket Songs running?

I learned that there are no more than 4 black models over at Pocket Songs. There is true coonery going on here. First we have the jigaboo lady, who I think may just be do-rag lady with some braids:

I love karaoke, but is all of this chinnin’ n’ grinnin’ really how I look up there? If you look really closely you can see the track listings on these albums – for example No Doubt’s “Hey Baby” and “I’m Like A Bird” by Nelly Furtado. If I saw some lady at karaoke with this street festival jewelry on singing any of these songs with such holy-ghost-catchin’-ness fervor, I’d have to poke myself in the eye. And since when does Oleta Adams have hits (plural) ? Her only hit was “Get Here” and it’s not even on that cd!

Moving on, we have the Fake Ashanti. To be fair, 1997 was over 10 years ago, but I don’t remember THIS still being in style:

Oh…by THIS I meant cock-eyed lightskinned girls with bangs rocking glittery bodysuits that snap at the crotch and have shoulder cut-outs. Because that did used to be in style. But maybe in like ’93.

But Pocket Songs does have a sophisticated lady, who I suspect may also just be do-rag lady with a weave.

She is really feeling herself! You cannot tell her she is not fly in those leather pants with her little Special Ed young jawn either. And um…that gold beanie. It looks like required garb for the Ebony Fashion Fair Show. Yes, I’m sure she won some sort of award for selling the most tickets in her region or something.

I had to leave out dozens of ridiculous karaoke CD covers, but I don’t want to end this post without showing you the best of the miscellanea that I came across:

Well, Pocket Songs has again failed to disappoint. Inappropriate marketing effort #1 is the fake Kid & Play on the cover of the Hootie and the Blowfish CD. Inappropriate marketing effort #2 is the combination of Peabo Bryson and Bobby Brown songs on one cd. I deeply believe that if Peabo Bryson and Bobby Brown ever even met each other it would lead to some manner of apocalypse. And that Usher has so much Tang going on, why can’t he pass some of it up to that manly wanna-be Kim from A Different World chick?

So I did my due diligence. You guys…for the first time I am truly spent.

15 Comments »

  • Julian said:

    WTF!

    Somebody get Bill Cosby and Oprah on the phone. This is a job for the Black Crusaders.

    Thembi, I don’t know whether to thank you for blowing the whistle on this one, or run up on you Jack Ruby style.

  • Julian said:

    No, seriously. I mean run up on you just like this:

    http://www.jfkmurdersolved.com/speech/30%20Oswald%20shot%20by%20Jack%20Ruby.jpg

  • Cassandra said:

    I am totally speechless.

  • Aaliyah said:

    thembi, the moment brandon forwarded the aaliyah/badu combo to me, i knew you were the ONLY authority that could properly handle this. thanks again for your thorough research and hard work. good job, gum shoe!

  • AJ said:

    This is truly jacked. Did we really dress like that???

  • Regina said:

    Trash!
    I can’t think of anything else to say…

  • Dave said:

    black folks have the biggest ass smiles i have ever seen, lol. i guess we got a lot to be happy about

  • Ill Mami said:

    You are right, Thembi. This is hands down the biggest coonery exhibit I have seen since “Soul Plane” was released.

    I, too, am truly spent…from LMFAO.

  • Regina said:

    Come by and grab the daily dose award!

  • Qucifer said:

    Are you fucking kidding me???

    I am failing to understand this world of wrongness I can’t wrap my mind around the issues… shoulderpads?, early 90s lipstick??…..

    I’m sofa kind Dead here!!

  • justjudith said:

    thembi, you always find the funniest stuff. what i don’t understand is why the dudes with the high top fades are singing hootie. hootie was out in like 95, who still had that haircut by the mid 90’s? people who bought these cds i guess. crazy.

  • Ginneh said:

    There are so many things wrong with this. I don’t sing karaoke often, however if I WERE going to, I certainly wouldn’t be pickin no damn Oleta Adams songs. Second of all, did they have to shoot all the covers on the same day? NONE of the chicks could get a wardrobe change? why does she not only have to have the coonish I love chicken smile with her mouth open, but the flexed church hand too? And the doo-rag? I just don’t understand what would make the person in charge of CD covers at pocket songs think ANY of those things is a good idea. Thembi, can you check and see if pocket songs is owned by BET?

  • Ehav Ever said:

    This was so funny. Truly there needs to be a special graveyard for mess like this. It should just be an open bottemless pit where can throw CD’s, movies, books, and the people involved in such pursuits. As for the models on these CD’s I keep thinking that they are somewhere in places of power hoping that no one ever makes the connection. Kind of like the Dexter Alderman character on Robert Townsen’s the Bold The Black and Beautiful.

  • Invisible Woman said:

    OH. MY. GOD. I laughed for like 10 minutes over this ish…and Julian certainly didn’t help matters.

    Girl you are crazy!

  • Thembi said:

    Ginneh, flexed church hand? baaaahhaaaa!

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