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"What The Eff?" Wednesday?: Hillary Tidbits

26 March 2008 One Comment

Oh heavens.

To be frank, I haven’t felt this kind of anticipation since New Kids on The Block were up for a Grammy. I live in Philly so for this entire campaign season I’ve pretty much been ignoring all of the election talk. But now that a lilsomethin‘ rests on my state, I’ve been a little more politically inclined than usual. One of the reasons that I’m anti Hillary is that everyone who is not PRO-Hillary is actually ANTI-Hillary – across all parties. People actually hate a white woman who lets her man cheat! This is like saying no, I like all kinds of sweet tasty soda, but I know I sure do not like Root Beer, even though it goes down easy. And this country has made Root Beer the devil. So lately I’ve just been saying “What The Eff?” to Hillary supporters. Yeah I know the other Democratic candidate is a black man with the middle name Hussein, but please allow me to show you some things that will help you scrunch your nose up at one Ms. Hillary Rodham on a daily, casual basis.
We all need toilet brushes, but I doubt that having Hillary on the receiving end of your bodily waste would feel as stellar as having that same waste on a blue Gap dress. After all, I cant picture her scrubbing out stains anyplace . . . she’s too busy ducking gunfire and such.

What’s sad is that I’m a feminist and all and I know that this “nutcracker” is some chauvinist joke, but Hillary really IS a nutcracker. Not because her man cheated and she put the smack down (which I don’t believe that she did), but because at the end of the day she rejects femininity with her image. Think about it: shes haggard, short haired, and deep-voiced. I, too, am these things, but at least I try to mitigate the bags under my eyes from nights of drinking with the boys with a pleasant smile, a flip of my fluffed-up hair, and a little lip gloss. I love womanhood and relish it! I want a Judge Marilyn Milian from People’s Court for president, not a woman who wants to wear the pants – the trappings of ladyhood are to be relished and respected! Only THEN do we crack nuts.

Oh heavens. This is a Hillary egg-separator. Y’all know I’ve been watching my weight for “Operation Dimpiece” which means lots of veggies and egg white omelets and that’s been hard since I developed a fascination with Hollandaise sauce back in ’05. But I can say without reservation that in spite of the 99.9% chance that I will develop glaucoma due to family history, the last thing I want to consume is anything that has dripped off of this saggin‘ eye. La Mer chemists, hollaback.

I don’t golf but I’m pretty sure that BET founder Bob Johnson does. I wonder if he has this Hillary golf club warmer on his clubs. I doubt it, she only looks like the women in the videos that helped make his fortune in the lip area. And in real life her hair isn’t red. Oh well. This is one of those anti-Hillary moments that convinces me that, just to refute such blatant sexism, I will be forced to vote for her in the general election should such events come to pass.

One Comment »

  • Qucifer said:

    Im mad that you haven’t more extensively blogged about Operation Dimepiece

    however… Hillary still makes my butt itch… her ethics make Tom Cruise look like a champion for truth and heterosexuality and notcraziness

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