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Obscure Black C-Listers: The Bourgie Bunch

17 April 2008 18 Comments

“What, Me Snub?”
R.I.P. Roscoe Lee Browne
This has been a banner week for the black bourgeoisie – not only were we finally allowed to upgrade Bob Johnson from bourgie to an official “house negro,” once we heard that Akon lied about his extended stay in jail and “only” has one felony, we had the chance to ask ourselves “how is any number of felonies or any time upstate an “only”? While it’s sad that the bar has been set so low on both ends of the spectrum, it proves that the bouge’ is real. And it has been exemplified onscreen through 80% of the roles that these fine actors have portrayed.

Michael Beach

No matter what this dude does, we will always see a bourgie jerk treatin’ his black woman like garbage. What did he expect after leaving Angela Bassett for a (gasp!) white woman in Waiting to Exhale?

Lark Voorhies

Oh Lisa Turtle, you set the standard for the “too pretty to be anything but bourgeois” black girl. If we’re lucky enough to see her onscreen again she sure won’t be playing nobody’s associate’s-degree-holdin’-babymomma.

Christopher B. Duncan

Exemplified black superiority through Braxton P. Hartnabrig on The Jamie Foxx show, a Cornell grad with nothing but disdain for Jamie’s hoodrat antics. That character was so exaggerated that every time I see him I just know he thinks he’s better than I am.

Anne-Marie Johnson

Before the word “twitter” had anything to do with lifestyle monitoring technology, it was the only appropriate word to describe the genius way that Anne-Marie Johnson pops her head to the side to demonstrate the discontent of black superiority. I think she is so talented.

Joseph C. Phillips

From George Murchison in the 1989 version of A Raisin In The Sun, to Waymon Tisdale III in 1991’s Strictly Business, this real-life conservative always brings the brown-skinned bouge’. There’s something uniquely black bourgeoisie about possessing the designation “The Third,” because it says “Not only did I have a daddy, but my DADDY had a daddy!” It’s as close to being a WASP as any brother will ever get.

Thanks go to jazzfan360, for reminding me that I pretty much am the bourgie cousin in my family by mentioning Roxanne Beckford’s appearance as Whitley’s stuck-up cousin on A Different World.

18 Comments »

  • Ginneh Akbar said:

    I’m wondering…can we have like a “Whatwouldthembido” convention or something? 2-3 days of workshops with topics like why white people is funny and why hip-hop is dead. Another one with a panel of our fresh black girls? We could have a bonfire one night and burn all the niggerature books, a concert with our good hair gone badders devante and debarge. We’ll tie up the event with a formal ball featuring our black C-listers? I’m thinking we could probably get Vivica Fox to host it, she’s probably not busy. Let me know…you know I’m all about throwing a party.

  • Lola Gets said:

    I caught Phillips on some Black talk show, and he was on the panel representing the conservative Black Republican position. Yeah, thats not just Bourgie, thats Super Bourgie.

  • Aaliyah said:

    WWTD convention…genius! ginneh, get on it!

  • jazzfan360 said:

    Ha, thanks for the props. Interestingly, weren’t both Roxanne and Ann-Marie on Robert Townsend’s verrrry short-lived variety show?

    And a shout-out to Keith Powell, the new black super-bourgie as Harvard-educated Toofer on 30 Rock, who useta write for ‘Black Frasier’ LMAO.

  • Thembi said:

    @jazzfan360

    I didnt think anyone would know about Keith Powell with his Signet Club indignation!

  • KelleBelle said:

    Let’s definitely coordinate re: WWTD convention. I’ve got a hookup at the Loew’s hotel for a group rate.

    Meanwhile, no mention of Stacey (oldest hottest ass ever) Dash? She’d never play a (convincing) shampoo girl “working on my associate’s degree” chicken head.

    k

    ps: what about the nervous suitor of a young Vanessa on the Cosby Show? He had the softest lil voice that I could never see him cast as a dirtbag. Well, I guess he’s not typecast as bougie but for some reason I felt the need to give him a shout out.

  • jazzfan360 said:

    OMG Stacey Dash has gotta be like 43 now and is STILL the hottest young thang around. That’s a FINE-ass woman, and she DOESN’T age. You just know she has a painting in her attic or something…

  • Regina said:

    Cool list Thembi! If you’re not just doing has beens then you could add Kimora to that bourgie list…

  • jazzfan360 said:

    …And speaking of Stacey Dash, have you SEEN the cover of King this month??? WOW!

  • Malcolm said:

    With all the bourgie roles that Anne-Marie has played, I am always reminded of her fine work as the woman that Keenan Ivory Wayans picks up at a bar in “I’m Gonna Get You Sucka”. Don’t let me hop after you!!

  • jazzfan360 said:

    Dude I *so* almost posted that. That’s the first thing I think of too.

  • Ehav Ever said:

    I have to agree about Anne-Marie. I always think of:

    1) I’m Gonna Get You Sucka

    2) The Bold, The Black, and the Beautiful (Robert Townsend Partners in crime)

    And wasn’t she on In the Heat of the Night?

  • blackwomenblowthetrumpet.blogspot.com said:

    Hi there! {waves}

    This is my first visit to your blog!

    You forgot that guy who played Carlton Banks on the Fresh Prince of Bel Air! *lol* Alphonso Ribiero or something like that! I can’t remember his name so he’s definitely D-list!

    And what about Jasmine Guy who played “Whitley”? *lol*

    Lisa
    http://blackwomenblowthetrumpet.blogspot.com

  • Dara said:

    oh how i yearned for the lisa turtle feather bang…

  • Cille said:

    But check this, your boy Chris B. Duncan definitely played a gansta in the much beloved B-rate movie classic Original Gangsta, where he shed his stick up the ass demeanor to portray a rough’ridin thug….The movie also stars some of my favs from the Blaxploitation era including Richard Roundtree, Jim Brown and my boy Fred Williamson…I suggest all rent it to see your boy Chris in action

  • Missy said:

    I am laughing out loud @ the Joseph C. Phillips remark….

  • jazzfan360 said:

    At this VERY moment, Anne-Marie Johnson is on the current episode of ABC’s Boston Legal as an admissions dean from nothing less than HARVARD!!! At your blog, I doth laugh.

  • Jessica Taylor said:

    Boston Legal is one of the longest running coutroom drama TV series~;~

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