Home » Good Hair Gone Bad, Jacko, My Life, What the Eff?, Yipes!

Thembi Responds to Hateration

10 June 2008 10 Comments

Over the last year a few pieces of random interweb trash have popped out of the woodwork and, in impressively poor English, tried to tell me all about myself. I tend to ignore the few negative comments I get because I believe that my blogging time should be reserved for drumming up new ways to disturb/amuse you, not for schooling the illiterate. But today I am finally going to let a few of them have it and I hope that you augment your cosign by reading the original post if you missed it the first time!

On Black Beauty

Did you see that loose booty implant moving around like a dislocated kneecap? Is it worth all of that just to have a more voluptuous booty? And is there any doubt that butt implants are intended to emulate the ethnic bootylicious body type? A suspected hillbilly called “Just Think”, who commented on the post Body Modification That I’ll Never Need begs to differ.

“Wow!”They secretly fear and love us.” You know who I fear, only one. Maybe women not white women in general, but women, do what they do for their own personal resons. If someone does admire your beauti it’s funny how some are quick to critize. I happen to be a strong confident white woman. Who admires all beauti. Ever heared God don’t like ugly! Haters-Wow.”

Comments like these inspire me to perfect my gift of prose, tutor children, and support harsher sentences for methamphetamine possession. I’m a woman of the people, so I’ll put in a way that “Just Think” will understand:

u kno how many black persons follow a standard of beauti based on how white women do beauti? Lots. But I like to remind my readers not black readers in general, but all of my readers, that wer all beautiful how we are. Ever heared Beauti is in the eye of the beholder! Hypocrite-Wow.

On Michael Jackson

After seeing Michael Jackson on the cover of Ebony, I realized that I needed to reach out to him. I have always openly worshipped MJ and the entire Jackson clan. So in an open letter I let Michael know how much I love him and how badly I’d like to see the real Michael, vitiligo blotches, nappy hair and all, of course while frolicking on the beach in Barbados. A few weeks after posting, I get this comment from “Nayluvsmj”

“This entire post to me is nothing more than a display of the lack of education in our community. First of all, whether or not you believe him, the man is suffering from Vitaligo. There is a lot of information in the forefront now because of the African American anchor who has stepped out to talk about his struggle with the disease and how he can relate to Michael – even down to the red lips – which he explains. Don’t refer to him as a wax white woman. He is a man, an awesome man with incredible talent that most of us couldn’t dream of possessing. Seems like the only talent I see here is a bunch of HATING!!!!!”

Young lady, the point seems to have been lost on you – we love Michael no matter what blotches or red lips he may naturally have, and therefore he doesn’t need to rock that lacefront or cover his vitiligo. Speaking of which, vitiligo does not cause half of your nose to fall off, and sure doesn’t magically straighten your hair, so in the spirit of tough love I refuse to let Mike slide with the vitiligo excuse alone! You sound like a fifteen year old girl who must have surfed in through some Usher fansite and you need some guidance. Please don’t interfere with grown folks business by poisoning the minds of my readers, all of whom know by now how much I LOVE MICHAEL JACKSON.

On Devante

Good Hair Gone Bad means just that, and no catastrophe of quadroonery that I’ve profiled in this feature (except for perhaps the Debarge family) fulfills the definition of each component more completely than Devante Swing. But it seems that a commenter named “Jessica” doesn’t quite agree:

“WHAT THE F*CK IS WITH EVERYONE TALKING ABOUT DRUGS???? DEVANTE DOES NOT DO DRUGS AND EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU SOUND STUPID WHEN YOU DONT EVEN PERSONALLY KNOW THE MAN. STOP MAKING ASSUPTIONS ABOUT PEOPLE. ALLL I KNOW IS IVE LIVED WITH THE MAN FOR THE LAST 4 YEARS AND HE HELPED ME STOP DOING DRUGS. IM NOT THE ONLY ONE HES HELPED EITHER. ONE OF THE THINGS HE IS ABSOLUTELY PASSIONATE ABOUT (BESIDES HIS MUSIC) IS NO DRUGS…HE DOESNT USE THEM, DOESNT WANT THEM AROUND HIM AND HE WILL CUT YOU OFF IF HE FINDS OUT YOU’RE USING THEM..SO, IF YOU DON’T PERSONALLY KNOW SOMEONE, KEEP YOUR UNEDUCATED OPINIONS TO YOURSELF BECAUSE YOU SOUND CLASSLESS AND GOSSIPY.”

Listen, homegirl, not only do I not fully believe your story, but putting your comment in all capital letters doesn’t help drive your message home. If you really do live with Devante and he’s passionate about his music then where the “f*ck” is it? My ears are quivering at the very prospect of hearing R&B of the caliber that he used to create, and it doesn’t take a marketing genius to know that if you’d scrub him down and do something about his hair we’d be all up on him again. According to you, it sounds like he’s been spending too much time getting random chicks off of the pipe. In light of that, and your claim that you fornicate with the man in these photos on a regular basis, I don’t think that the class level of any of my readers should be put into question. The least you can do is go down to the basement and tell your drug-free house-husband that he has a PR problem – his potential fanbase looks at him and sees a basehead. Devante needs to get it together and dethrone the Tenderoni R&B regime of Omarion, Chris Brown, and other such jailbait. We’ll even take a few sober public appearances or a Gospel play at this point!

10 Comments »

  • LaJane Galt said:

    According to you, it sounds like he’s been spending too much time getting random chicks off of the pipe.

    *click-click*

    BLAM

    Sounds like DeVante needs an intervention to get him away from that chick!!

  • Undercover Black Man said:

    You should be thanking them hators, Thembi. They bring out your fire!

  • Miss GypsyEyes said:

    Blah blah blah haters are your best friend blah blah blah people need to lighten up blah blah blah there are more serious issues going on in the world blah blah MJ was great before he lost his damned mind blah blah Tupac ain’t dead he and Elvis play Scrabble on my patio on Sunday afternoons(pfft) blah blah Devante does look cracked out (and Stevie Wonder could see that) blah blah blah correct spelling and grammer make people appear less stupid than they are so stupid people take note blah blah.
    What’s my point? Sometimes you just have to take what you can from a situation and tune out the rest, because stupidity IS contagious. Happy One Year Anniversary and here’s to many more.

  • Danielle said:

    Brilliant responses Thembi. I’m sitting here snickering.

  • Ill Mami said:

    You give all of us Black bloggers with internal ire the desire to keep blogging. i can’t believe it’s only been one year!

    Happy anniversary, girl!

  • Lola Gets said:

    Just keep shaking them off Thembi! I was looking at the comments on some of those posts and…man, Ive been reading this blog a long time! Haha!

    L

  • blackwomenblowthetrumpet.blogspot.com said:

    Thembi!!

    This is hill-air-eee-ous!! *LOL*

    I am on the darn floor right now!! *LOL*

    Keep this up and I’m sending the police to your doorstep!!

    {rolling on the floor}
    Lisa

  • Anonymous said:

    OUCH….The Devante Comeback has me sitting at my desk trying hard to stay employed today.

    Respect-Due Thembi!!!!!

  • Stacy said:

    Too damn funny!!!! Tell ’em Thembi! And personally, I thought the Michael Jackson open letter was the funniest thing I ever read– and I WORSHIP the man! People really need to lighten up

  • kizzie said:

    How you knew that girl that commented on the MJ topic was young?
    I personally didn’t see anything in her writing to support that assumption.

    I see what you did thar…

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