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What’s Up With Thembi Lately?

20 June 2008 9 Comments

Answer: Mercury has been in retrograde.

After being out of the country for almost a month, coming home has been unusually bittersweet. It’s great to be back around folk but life can just be so mundane. My apartment needs cleaning, clothes need washing, and meals need cooking. I had forgotten that such things even exist, and as a result have found everyday life to be ridiculously challenging as of late. For this reason, I’m extending Thembi Week until…well…I damn well feel like ending it, just because I have more self-aggrandizing to do and awards to give out, and also postponing the start of my podcast until I’m ready to deliver the kind of show that you all deserve. I will also be posting the “Big Black and Nappy in The Persian Gulf,” post about my trip, that is, as soon as I accept the fact that I’m no longer over there.

Meanwhile, all kinds of weird things have been happening in my little corner of the world. A friend of mine told me that Mercury was in retrograde until yesterday, which means that the universe has basically been on some Murphy’s Law tip, so I’m hoping things turn around. Thanks to Mercury:

My television suddenly broke which in my life is a crisis. I bought one from this puny Chinese boy through Craigslist. He promised to help carry the television to my car but used some ill-conceived contraption made from a shopping cart and a leather strap that failed almost right away. Wouldn’t you know that his lil’ lo mein noodle arms dropped the tv on my foot twice?

A shirt that has never seemed see-through before suddenly is, so all of my coworkers were trying their hardest not to stare at the pink lace bra clearly showing through my Casual Friday-wear last week. I learned that this organization doesn’t employ particularly subtle people.

Last night one of my flip-flops broke while I was out on the town! This was no run-of the mill flip-flop either, it was one of those bedazzled ones. To be honest I got them at Ross Dress for Less, but still.

My apartment, which is insect-prone anyway, experienced a random influx of waterbugs on Friday night. I’ve had every insect imaginable invade my crib at some point since I do live on the first floor, but this was ridiculous. It was like that movie Joe’s Apartment and they were mad disrespectful about making themselves at home. I truly believe that locusts will come next, followed by frogs.

Thanks to a combination of bank errors, poor mathematical skills, and sheer colored behavior, I managed to overdraw one bank account four times in 2 days.

I had a stalker for a little while last year, which included incidents such as him practically jumping on the hood of my car to find out where the “afterparty” was, and I’ve run into him FOUR times in two weeks, each time only to have him pretend like he’s not staring dead at me. One very real thing about Thembi’s life is that 97% of the men interested in her have stalker tendencies, so I’m used to this type of thing but geez.

I got a pedicure and homegirl decided it would be a good idea to use callous softener on my feets without notifying me first. That stuff ALWAYS boils my feet into some crazy crusty mess, and now the skin is peeling off of my feet like potato chips. I am not lying. I haven’t decided whether I’m going to go there and make a scene or just bitterly limp-off.

Yeah, that’s pretty much it. Hopefully Mercury was to blame for all of this because enough is enough.


  • Sara S. said:

    how the hell has no one commented on this yet. lo mein arms? POTATO CHIPS? thembi thembi thembi…. really. i hope the stars realign for us. miss you.

  • The First Domino said:

    Enjoyed your misadventures. Wait. That’s not right.

    Enjoyed how you managed to cope with the Mercurial moments of your life.

  • KelleBelle said:

    Glad to know it was Mercury’s ass that had me with a loose weave thread hangin’ out my head for two days (and no one told me! Not even Kingston).

    That old dude is still stalking you? I do applaud his dedication. Especially in the summer heat. I still remember how he almost jumped on the hood of your car. Awesome! Everytime thereafter when he’d see me out he’d look around me like a lil puppy to see if his queen Thembi was with me. Then he’d limp away like the old hound he is when he realized I was Thembi-less.

  • THE 78' MS. J said:

    Damn Thembi thought you were pulling a blogger interupted yet again glad you back sucks for all the crazy things that’s been happening but it’s an epidemic I believe,but good thoughts bring good things.

  • THE 78' MS. J said:

    Damn Thembi thought you were pulling a blogger interupted yet again glad you back sucks for all the crazy things that’s been happening but it’s an epidemic I believe,but good thoughts bring good things.

  • The True Urban Queen aka Sharon said:

    I am glad to know that when things are going wrong in my life it could be a planets fault.

    Water bugs. I would be in the corner of the room crying.

  • Stacy said:

    LOL!! i just can’t…

  • Dara said:

    its bad enough that you’re going to make me lose my job, since every time i read your blog when i should be drafting reports ‘n’ shit, i almost pee my pants reading about your antics. BUT this one made me lol at home, by myself, which really just makes me feel coo coo.

    and you really gotta get a hold of them potato chip feets of yours before they start making a sound when you walk.

  • PD said:

    Thanks for actually BLOGGING. You know, talking about stuff that happens in your daily life. This is what I miss. Real people talking about real things, no matter what the subject. Thank you. Sorry for the water bugs though. That’s pretty funny.

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