"What The Eff?" Wednesday: Bad Church Sangin’
Have you ever noticed how no one wants to say anything bad about a singer if they’re singing about God? Well, I refuse follow that rule. Don’t get me wrong – acting crazy on some God stuff is one of our constitutional rights, and I support everyone’s freedom of choice in worship. But since I don’t belong to any particular religious faith and I could only ever believe in a higher power that allows me to think critically about the nonsense that I come across, I put together this “What The Eff?”-worthy collection of really bad church sangin’. Don’t feel like a sinner, just say that Thembi made you do it.
What’s crazy about this video is that Sister Jackson is giving me flashbacks to Mother Bethel Church in the late ’80’s back when my dad used to make us go to service.
They’ll let anyone who loves the lord up there and some fool always claps to encourage it. This is exactly why people go on Showtime at The Apollo‘s “Amateur Night” and sing gospel – no one is going to boo even it’s called for. I have to give a thumbs down to the creation of sloppy vibrato voice gymnastics for the Lord – he does not want that, sister.
The first time I tried to just “sit in” at a gospel choir practice, the director said “oh no, you in it…everyone’s in it!”. Yet, this is an example of why letting everyone join in is a bad idea.
It’s absolutely o-mazing that this dude came to church in a sweatshirt, let alone that he decided to ad-lib one of the most well-known songs in American history like he was improving it. Is he mentally ill? On drugs? Either way, I’m probably going to hell for even posting this.
Just when I thought that bad church singing was a black folks’ disease, along come Mark Fox and his alter-ego Lil’ Markie.
You see, Lil’ Markie was originally the voice of an aborted baby in some pro-life propaganda, and now Mark Fox decides to conjure him up anytime he’d like to further stress the point that God is love. I’ve never been much of a fan of the eunuch voice range thing, but what I’m really puzzled by is how much this dude looks like the guy who stole Pee Wee’s bike in Pee Wee’s Big Adventure.
As mad as I am that Dick Clark got to it first, this clip of a caller to a religious show trying to sing and subsequently cracking up one of its hosts is too funny.
Sorry, Danny. Sounds of Blackness will not be calling you to come in for an audition.
Now that I’ve made myself out to be a heathen, I’ll admit that of course there are a bunch of gospel songs that I like when sung properly. In fact, during a particularly misguided phase I was even part of a gospel choir! But to be perfectly honest there is only one church song that gets me on my feet every single time. Philadelphia stand up!