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What The Eff?” Wednesday: Reader Submissions I

4 March 2009 2 Comments

You guy send me so much stuff that it’s time to empty the coffer this week.

This video was submitted by Miriam.
Black folks have officially run out of things to praise the Lord around. They are really breaking down every breakfast food you can imagine, from Frosted Flakes to Fried Eggs. Every time I think they ran out of foods to list they break out with another stanza! And ma’am in the red tunic has that bored look on her face because she knows she’s reading off the diner menu when she gets to “no mo’ mixed fruit.” Mixed Fruit is a menu item, not a legitimate food.

And I have to ask, why are black folks are always talking about going home to meet our Lord? The answer: slave tradition! Back then the only way to get through the next day was to fantasize about being called home, but life is not so bad in 2009 that we should be hoping to meet our makers! White churches don’t sit up there hoping for the better days of death so maybe we should update our praise to reflect that while we’re in a recession there are some good times to be had on this green earth? I’m just saying…

This video was submitted by Damien
What in the name of Master Cleanse made Mother Wisdom inflict the church with this version of “Single Ladies?” See this is why I’m not into all of this “put a ring on it,” stuff, because it was only a matter of time before the idea that your ex girlfriend looks better than you expected to turn into a cry of hope for the resurrection of the black family through the church. Just like that, black women are standing around on Sundays asking Jesus for a jealous man.


  • jazzfan360 said:

    That breakfast praise song was one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen. I cried for a good ten minutes. I’ve watched many times now. Ma’am in the red tunic there is havin some serious hair issues, along with her incredibly flat singing and the fact that somebody obviously had to drop a couple Valium in her Folger’s just so she could get through this program without tryin to hurt somebody. (And by the way, my favorite thing about the whole affair is that this television program is simply called Mornin’. Hilarious.)

    This is especially funny because it’s so obvious that guy wrote this song all by himself(!) and he is TOO damn proud that he’s singing it on TV for all of us. Wow. He sometimes looks so happy he can barely contain himself.

    “Grape Nuts?!” Awesome.

  • Latasha said:

    Shameful. I actually found the writer’s comments more hilarious than the video. I probably would have appreciated the (hilariousness) of the video if I had watched before reading the comments.

    ‘Mixed Fruit’ Some things you should just not want to broadcast. The little things say so much, don’t they.

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