The first time I heard the term “camel toe,” I was so perplexed and offended. It sounds like an immature, misogynistic way to describe the female anatomy. Then I realized that it’s just a tacky wedgie in the front. Ohhhh. That’s your own darn fault. Ever since I realized that “camel toe” was less juvenile and more a mere concern of tacky women, I’ve been subconsciously gathering humorous tidbits about camel toe. Today I realized that I have enough for a full post, how skeevy is that? And why am I writing about this at all? I just don’t know.

As usual, even if I’m late on the uptake I like to mock those who are even later. As to this kid, its freaky to think that there are men who go on the hunt for camel toes. I mean you have to be a pretty foul tacky slice of meat to let your stuff flap in the wind like that. Unless, of course, you’re trying to prove a point.

I alluded to the phenomenon in a post about my trip to Doha, Qatar. There I was surrounded by sand in all directions for miles in the desert of the Persian Gulf and the first thing I did when I rode that camel was look at its toe to see if it looked like Britney Spears’ crotch on a rough night.

It did but only kinda. However, being all up on real camels (1)confirmed the fact that Jay-Z really does resemble one and (2)made me wonder why the camel was chosen as the animal whose foot would represent tight pants gone awry.

I even remember laughing at the kitsch hit “Camel Toe” (which was one of those songs that really should have never come out at all) by that flash-in-the-pan group Fannypack. Maybe it’s because I was living in their hometown of Brooklyn at the time but people were acting like this group was the next big deal. They were not.

I have to be fair and admit the reason I posted this today when I KNOW I’m supposed to be handling other business. It’s because of capitalism in a roundabout way. People come up with inventions and then try to sell them, in order to do so they create websites and then I see them and am forced to show them to you. Don’t you see? In the end, capitalism is to blame for The Cuchini.

Yes, it’s the Cuchini, a nifty little insert that keeps you from having unsightly camel toe. And it’s real, check out the website – I insist, really, it’s a hoot. These bad boys go for $15 bucks a pop and only come in “nude.”

I’ll let you go now. Gold star if you even made it this far, actually.

EDIT: After many requests for a picture of a real camel toe, here y’all sickos go. Ask and ye shall receive!