“What The Eff?” Wednesday: Disturbing Strokes, Indeed
I hate the internet so very much. Seriously, I start off looking into something that is borderline scholarly and end up finding types of despair that make me realize that I have no business looking on the internet with an empty stomach. I started out at Mental Floss (a nerd site) where I discovered this tickling re-interpretation of the opening credits to Diff’rent Strokes called “Disturbing Strokes.” It’s entertaining to see how much different music can change the intentions of Mr. Drummond. Check it out:
Fine so far. So then I went to the YouTube link to see the submitter name, date of submission, and any “Related Videos” as I usually do. The very first related video was called “TV’s Gayest Moment.” Since I hate when people misuse the word “gay” like that I was drawn to find out how the slur was being justified. This is the part where my stomach started hurting. This is not about the white man (c)rap at the beginning, so watch far beyond that.
I’m sorry that I didn’t explain what you were getting into but I thought you’d close your browser window, never to return. Have you ever seen anything quite like this? Apparently Gary Coleman had a rap album and this is its main track, 1987’s “Outlaws and Indians.” The gold-shod, slicked-back, hip-poppin’ shim that Gary is performing with is Dion Mial, a former Michael Jackson impersonator and Gary Coleman’s personal assistant for many years. Just to get the record straight he is very different from Michael Jackson. Very.
I’d never heard about any of this, so I had to do a little painful research. It turns out that 2006’s “Behind the Camera: The Unauthorized Story of ‘Diff’rent Strokes’” strongly implied that ashy Gary and Mial were lovers (although the biopic was unauthorized, Gary Coleman and Todd Bridges served as consultants). This all makes sense from Gary’s statement “this is my best buddy for nine years.” Please don’t insult my intelligence. It may have been the ’80s but it was still ok to discriminate against hip-poppin’ hair freaks, in fact I would recommend discriminating against anyone who went around like Dion Mial and was for real with it, but Gary chose not to. That is suspicious. And anyone whose TV movie depiction looks like this needs to check themselves:
NOT A GOOD LOOK.
I continued to research Dion Mial and found out he’s been doing Broadway work. I’m pretty sure this is him at center in 2007:
I’m ok with knowing that this how this man turned out twenty years later. That’s not the case for Gary. He’s been unraveling for years now and his most recent project, the intentionally offensive Midgets Vs Mascots, has him talking extra greasy and I don’t think it’s an act:
I hope that Dion is reading this post because I need a favor from him. Dion, normally I wouldn’t suggest this, but I think you should come back into Gary’s life and be the wind beneath his wings again. Do something, anything for the poor man. Not now, but right now. Please do not leave the research and facilitation to me in the future because my tummy cannot take it.