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“What The Eff?” Wednesday: The World’s Worst

24 June 2009 6 Comments

People always call me mean because I laugh at others, but the older I get the more entitled I feel to do so. It stands to reason that if what you offer sucks, you should just try harder. There are no gold stars for effort and your heart will not be blessed just because you have no idea how terrible you are at what you’re doing – unless, of course, we can laugh at you while you do it. So today I’m going to give some of the World’s Worst their due – no one may think you’re any good but Thembi thinks you’re great for a laugh so keep on keepin’ on, boo.

World’s Worst Comedian

Just when you thought VHS was dead someone digs up a video of a brother wearing a string tie and smartly-cocked red beret. Meet Darrell Bluett, whose “World of Pictures,” stand up routine is an Internet sensation that you can’t afford to miss.

“What kinda jive is that?” It may be my MTV-like attention span that caused me to miss it, but did this brother tell an actual joke at any point? About halfway through I got really hungry and wanted a banola bar and maybe that’s where the lost punchline was. My only aggestion is that he learn to properly conjugate nouns like ‘peoples,’ “persons,’ and ‘mans.’ I’ll let a little slave vernacular verb conjugation fail slide, but when you sound like you’re speaking pidgin English things have gone too far (by the way, I secretly love this and watch it over and over again on my spare time).

World’s Worst Singer

Sometimes when I use up all of my anger, fear, sorrow, and grief, all I’m left with is joy. I guess that’s why, about two minutes into this video, I realized that the tears streaming down my face were those of laughter.

See, everyone talks about how YouTube has led to a bunch of amateurs throwing weird videos online but you just can’t get a leather set with shoulder pads and a belt like that in the Internet age. I’m having a hard time even accepting that this mess is from 1993. So bad it’s amazing.

World’s Worst Music Video

I had a Cameroonian boyfriend named François when I lived in France (naturally), so Namata brings back a montage of tartly-scented memories for me. It’s too bad that I can’t pass the brown paper bag test that he must have used to pick the girls in the video, though.

Namata just LOVES white women in both of his videos, which may just be a personal preference but since he himself looks like a golliwog it’s just not sitting right with me. Namata also reminds me why I don’t do the online dating thing anymore – my ‘type’ is tall, lanky, and brown, so in spite of his inclusion in said category I could end up on a date with this fool dancing like he’s got ants in his pants and looking like something that needs to be cleared from a shower drain. I won’t lie though, he almost makes me miss my François; in spite of being soooooo precariously fugly and having an odd obsession with R. Kelly, François didn’t speak enough English to really get on my nerves and therefore goes down in jawn history as “a-ok.”

World’s Worst Dancer

There are so many clips I could dig up for this honor, but I think I’ll default to ol’ boy from Spirit of Truth, ‘cuz a shirtless, permed up preacher in a cheap suit never did hurt nobody.

I’m sure he’s been forced to seek professional help by now. . . one can only hope.


  • ASmith said:

    “Less than stellar”

    All personal catch phrases that come to mind; non quiiiiiiitttteeee (a la Cedric the Entertainer’s joke about the curls that just won’t curl) accurate enough for how I feel. That song… Lawd that song… I didn’t know what was happening to me…

  • KJH said:

    OMG. That “comedian” is all the way wrong. And no, he never did tell a joke (though his grammar was quite laughable). And I loved all of the pregnant pauses and sideways eye darts that made it seem like he was waiting for roars of laughter. And thank you for confirming that he did indeed say “banola.” The speakers on my laptop are wack, and I thought I misheard.

  • T-mo said:

    wow. Spirit of Truth kills it in every video. I want to feel bad for this man who is obviously crazy but I can never quite get there because I start laughing too hard.

  • Phi Sister said:

    Good for you Namata. You find treasure in your drunken white girls. Cos I sure ass hell won’t date you! You flinging your arms like you about to go bat for the other team! Maybe you’re looking in the wrong places for treasure. . .

    The producer should be shot. The song isn’t awful, but he’s not the best vocalist and neither is the woman yelling. Oh My Ears!

  • siditty said:

    OK is it me or does Namata look like Flava Flav’s broke ass little brother?

    In terms of Ms. Aquanet Pleather, she is hilarious. You know she asked her parents for the money to film that video.

  • ShonQuayShah said:

    ok, Thembi…i am thru with you, you hear me? DONE. DEAD. OVAH.

    banola bar? that made me pee in my pants just a bit.

    i could not take the drive to the eastside in that next vid.

    could not make it past 35 seconds for Nawhoooey whatever his name is.

    the Spirit of Truth, while he is a great dancer and probably couldve been an extra in Breakin’ or Breakin’2, dude…i just feel bad for him because I really think he got saved, then he backslid and got hold to a bad batch of sherm or pcp, but he doesnt realize he had a bad trip…we need to really pray for him….

    but, banola…? i aggest you not do this to me anymore.

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