Comments on: Michael Jackson and The Five Stages of Grief: Bargaining http://www.whatwouldthembido.com/2009/07/michael-jackson-and-the-five-stages-of-grief-bargaining.html Pontifications, coonery, quips, blasphemy, miscegenation, freshness, concern for celebrity life, the beauty of blackness, the sorrow of work-life, the curse of brilliance, and sassy stories. [Pop culture criticism, entertainment reviews, and humor writing by Thembi Ford.] Fri, 12 Mar 2010 18:50:04 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9 hourly 1 By: BlingThing http://www.whatwouldthembido.com/2009/07/michael-jackson-and-the-five-stages-of-grief-bargaining.html/comment-page-1#comment-6209 BlingThing Sun, 10 Jan 2010 04:14:03 +0000 http://www.whatwouldthembido.com/?p=1937#comment-6209 After wondering if there were any other people feeling the loss of MJ the way I am (after almost seven months.)I did some internet searching and found your site. I have enjoyed reading the many great comments on MJ and the way people feel about him. I have begun to be a little concerned because everyday I am on You Tube, my jukebox, Ipod, or whatever else that will play his music. My 16 year old son who discovered Michael after his death plays his music upon waking, most of the day on weekends, after school, and upon going to bed. In other words whenever he has free time, Michael is on. Before that though I was greeted with T-Pain or Kanye every day.So I guess I should be grateful. I have become a fan of Kanyes' music though, and feel he too is going through some things, so I am careful not to knock him as people did Michael. From time to time I watch concert footage I have purchased. I purchased many, many items of memorabilia off of eBay in the past couple months (I think I am over that phase though, thank God.) I had to chuckle when you said you were writing papers and about to do a dissertation on him, because I had been mulling that over too! I thought it might be a way of getting through this.The Jackson family has been in my life since I was around 17, I am 56 now and my other three sons and hubbie are beginning to think I am crazy. Don't get me wrong, they are all big fans but I can't seem to let go. I feel like I have lost a member of my family and know that the first year is always the hardest.Sometimes I think it is because an era of my life has died and that is what I am actually mourning. People say to fans, "well you didn't actually know him"...Ah but I did. I did not know the man, Michael Jackson, but I knew the entertainer Michael Jackson very, very, well. I think about what life is going to be like without any new MJ dance moves to go along with the new music that is bound to come out. Sometimes I think more people feel this way but are afraid to admit it. I pay close attention when people talk about him, it tells the tale! There is also the question of my faith. I am totally devoted to Christ but sometimes Michael overwhelms my thoughts and I don't want to play around with idolatry. I am sure it will turn out to be a "first year is the hardest thing", cause it is not like I am incapacitated or anything. The rest of my life is still going right along as usual. I just wish I could stop thinking about, analyzing, missing, crying and wishing he could come back and see how much he was loved, especially by black fans. We may not have been as vocal as our European counterparts but I believe our love runs deeper and is more forgiving and does not harbor pretense when it comes to our entertainment icons. Living in Detroit, I took my son and grandson down to the Motown museum/studios to be with other MJ fans upon his death and celebrate his life. Black folk were having a Dee-troit party!!! It was great, there was dancing, singing, an impersonator who was very good. We got a chance to view pictures which Motown was displaying and giant posters of Michael they had hung and fans(black and white) got to leave condolences,stuffed animals,and flowers. You could hear the music blasting from the speakers all up and down West Grand Boulevard! When it was all over the condolences and stuffed animals were driven by police escort to a historical cemetery near my house, where they were buried. A local marble company supplied a memorial headstone with MJ's name, birth, and death and a description on it for the grave. I have visited once, near his birthday. The setting is beautiful and many of the Motown legends are buried there. Even though the man, Michael, got a little strange, I never turned my back on him. Only the Lord knows what he may have been capable,or guilty of, and He will deal with that. It was not my job to judge him. I remember praying with my eyes closed tightly as the verdict was about to be announced outside the courthouse after his trial..."Lord pleeeezze don't let them send that boy to jail, pleeeeeze." That would have been the ultimate blow to break this man down. As a black person I did not want this particular brother to have to deal with that. I did not want my people to have to deal with that. I did not want the back stabbers and sunny day so-called friends of his to have that satisfaction. I especially did not want the media to have the satisfaction. Well I guess I have almost written my dissertation, LOL Wow! that was great therapy! Thanks Thembi! By the way...do you know how hard it is to find that 2007 Ebony. It is quite the collectors item. I have found one and it is a promotional copy at that, with no barcode on it! Michael I pray you have finally found some peace my brother. I love you. After wondering if there were any other people feeling the loss of MJ the way I am (after almost seven months.)I did some internet searching and found your site. I have enjoyed reading the many great comments on MJ and the way people feel about him. I have begun to be a little concerned because everyday I am on You Tube, my jukebox, Ipod, or whatever else that will play his music.

My 16 year old son who discovered Michael after his death plays his music upon waking, most of the day on weekends, after school, and upon going to bed. In other words whenever he has free time, Michael is on. Before that though I was greeted with T-Pain or Kanye every day.So I guess I should be grateful. I have become a fan of Kanyes’ music though, and feel he too is going through some things, so I am careful not to knock him as people did Michael. From time to time

I watch concert footage I have purchased. I purchased many, many items of memorabilia off of eBay in the past couple months (I think I am over that phase though, thank God.) I had to chuckle when you said you were writing papers and about to do a dissertation on him, because I had been mulling that over too! I thought it might be a way of getting through this.The Jackson family has been in my life since I was around 17, I am 56 now and my other three sons and hubbie are beginning to think I am crazy. Don’t get me wrong, they are all big fans but I can’t seem to let go. I feel like I have lost a member of my family and know that the first year is always the hardest.Sometimes I think it is because an era of my life has died and that is what I am actually mourning. People say to fans, “well you didn’t actually know him”…Ah but I did. I did not know the man, Michael Jackson, but I knew the entertainer Michael Jackson very, very, well. I think about what life is going to be like without any new MJ dance moves to go along with the new music that is bound to come out. Sometimes I think more people feel this way but are afraid to admit it. I pay close attention when people talk about him, it tells the tale!

There is also the question of my faith. I am totally devoted to Christ but sometimes Michael overwhelms my thoughts and I don’t want to play around with idolatry. I am sure it will turn out to be a “first year is the hardest thing”, cause it is not like I am incapacitated or anything. The rest of my life is still going right along as usual. I just wish I could stop thinking about, analyzing, missing, crying and wishing he could come back and see how much he was loved, especially by black fans. We may not have been as vocal as our European counterparts but I believe our love runs deeper and is more forgiving and does not harbor pretense when it comes to our entertainment icons.

Living in Detroit, I took my son and grandson down to the Motown museum/studios to be with other MJ fans upon his death and celebrate his life. Black folk were having a Dee-troit party!!! It was great, there was dancing, singing, an impersonator who was very good. We got a chance to view pictures which Motown was displaying and giant posters of Michael they had hung and fans(black and white) got to leave condolences,stuffed animals,and flowers. You could hear the music blasting from the speakers all up and down West Grand Boulevard! When it was all over the condolences and stuffed animals were driven by police escort to a historical cemetery near my house, where they were buried. A local marble company supplied a memorial headstone with MJ’s name, birth, and death and a description on it for the grave. I have visited once, near his birthday. The setting is beautiful and many of the Motown legends are buried there. Even though the man, Michael, got a little strange, I never turned my back on him. Only the Lord knows what he may have been capable,or guilty of, and He will deal with that. It was not my job to judge him.

I remember praying with my eyes closed tightly as the verdict was about to be announced outside the courthouse after his trial…”Lord pleeeezze don’t let them send that boy to jail, pleeeeeze.” That would have been the ultimate blow to break this man down. As a black person I did not want this particular brother to have to deal with that. I did not want my people to have to deal with that. I did not want the back stabbers and sunny day so-called friends of his to have that satisfaction. I especially did not want the media to have the satisfaction. Well I guess I have almost written my dissertation, LOL Wow! that was great therapy!

Thanks Thembi! By the way…do you know how hard it is to find that 2007 Ebony. It is quite the collectors item. I have found one and it is a promotional copy at that, with no barcode on it! Michael I pray you have finally found some peace my brother. I love you.

]]> By: JustBrowsing http://www.whatwouldthembido.com/2009/07/michael-jackson-and-the-five-stages-of-grief-bargaining.html/comment-page-1#comment-6072 JustBrowsing Mon, 21 Dec 2009 22:07:32 +0000 http://www.whatwouldthembido.com/?p=1937#comment-6072 I'll add a late comment also. I didn't see what the 5 stages of grief were, but his issue was psychological. People (and many animals), no matter who they are, will eventually adapt to their environment, and take on the characteristics of the species that is heavily present. Most of the wealthy in the US are European American, and they would have been in MJ's circle. It's not as extreme as it seems. It's also the psychology behind African American athletes dating/marrying European American women. That's whose in their circles. I’ll add a late comment also. I didn’t see what the 5 stages of grief were, but his issue was psychological. People (and many animals), no matter who they are, will eventually adapt to their environment, and take on the characteristics of the species that is heavily present. Most of the wealthy in the US are European American, and they would have been in MJ’s circle. It’s not as extreme as it seems. It’s also the psychology behind African American athletes dating/marrying European American women. That’s whose in their circles.

]]> By: Judy http://www.whatwouldthembido.com/2009/07/michael-jackson-and-the-five-stages-of-grief-bargaining.html/comment-page-1#comment-6047 Judy Mon, 21 Dec 2009 03:48:48 +0000 http://www.whatwouldthembido.com/?p=1937#comment-6047 Thank you Thembi for the articles on The Five Stages of Grief. Although it is December, I still find myself occasionally breaking down and crying over Michael's life and death. In spite of the vitiligo and physical changes, the depth of his soul was always there in his eyes and his most profound feature that never changed from the time he began performing at a young age. To me, his eyes said everything and I will never forget him. Thank you Thembi for the articles on The Five Stages of Grief. Although it is December, I still find myself occasionally breaking down and crying over Michael’s life and death. In spite of the vitiligo and physical changes, the depth of his soul was always there in his eyes and his most profound feature that never changed from the time he began performing at a young age. To me, his eyes said everything and I will never forget him.

]]> By: LORENZO http://www.whatwouldthembido.com/2009/07/michael-jackson-and-the-five-stages-of-grief-bargaining.html/comment-page-1#comment-5361 LORENZO Tue, 03 Nov 2009 18:32:44 +0000 http://www.whatwouldthembido.com/?p=1937#comment-5361 well for me i think that micheal wa fragile and being in limelight at a little age and he would definitely be in front all audiences all the time so the thing about self appearance really matters a lot. when you tell the person you got big nose, you got acne, you too dark like a charcoal, u too fat, u can send that person to even commit suicide, thats if the person is too fragile and sensitive. so michael was really concious about his looks and i dont think he recieved praises more on his looks than han his songs and his meekness. well for me, am very dark and my friends tell me that to and sometimes i sneak to by bleaching cream just to lighten up but when i look at people that have disorders from the usage of the cream i quite using it. well for me i think that micheal wa fragile and being in limelight at a little age and he would definitely be in front all audiences all the time so the thing about self appearance really matters a lot. when you tell the person you got big nose, you got acne, you too dark like a charcoal, u too fat, u can send that person to even commit suicide, thats if the person is too fragile and sensitive. so michael was really concious about his looks and i dont think he recieved praises more on his looks than han his songs and his meekness. well for me, am very dark and my friends tell me that to and sometimes i sneak to by bleaching cream just to lighten up but when i look at people that have disorders from the usage of the cream i quite using it.

]]> By: Star http://www.whatwouldthembido.com/2009/07/michael-jackson-and-the-five-stages-of-grief-bargaining.html/comment-page-1#comment-5360 Star Mon, 02 Nov 2009 16:25:27 +0000 http://www.whatwouldthembido.com/?p=1937#comment-5360 He had vitligo. I'm extremely frustrated with the people saying, 'Oh, I don't think he did." Well, he did. It's a hereditary disease. Look it up. He wasn't ashamed of his skin color at all, he wasn't. You people who throw judgement really make me frustrated. You wouldn't be so quick to judge if you were actually more of a good person like Michael was. He was amazing, with a loving heart. I only wish I could be more like him. He just cared so much, and showed it. I love you Michael. And thankyou for everything. For the music and for setting such a wonderful example the human race. He had vitligo. I’m extremely frustrated with the people saying, ‘Oh, I don’t think he did.” Well, he did. It’s a hereditary disease. Look it up. He wasn’t ashamed of his skin color at all, he wasn’t. You people who throw judgement really make me frustrated. You wouldn’t be so quick to judge if you were actually more of a good person like Michael was. He was amazing, with a loving heart. I only wish I could be more like him. He just cared so much, and showed it. I love you Michael. And thankyou for everything. For the music and for setting such a wonderful example the human race.

]]> By: laura http://www.whatwouldthembido.com/2009/07/michael-jackson-and-the-five-stages-of-grief-bargaining.html/comment-page-1#comment-5068 laura Fri, 18 Sep 2009 12:13:10 +0000 http://www.whatwouldthembido.com/?p=1937#comment-5068 Michael really did have vitiligo, you can see from the early pictures where his dark skin has white splotches. However, judged by his choice of super narrow nose, and getting rid of his beautiful natural hair, I'd say he was ashamed of being black. It's understandable and I totally agree with him when he tells Oprah,what about the people who spend hours in the sun trying to become other than what they are? what about self tan? dark people who bleach their skin get criticized, but no one thinks twice when white people darken their skin with self tan...to become other than what they are... I love Michael. I miss him so much. He was sensitive about his nose. His father teased him about it and his brothers teased him about it, his nickname was 'Big Nose' enough to give anyone a stigma, right? his cousins and everyone teased him about his acne. I think the acne and the nose problem for him caused major insecurities about his looks, the direct result being body dysmorphic syndrome. If his looks had been positively reinforced when he was young, he probably would never have developed the disorder. And then he went and had white children. The book Michael Jackson, the Magic and the Madness really helps you to understand...him and Lisa Marie had a wild hot sex life, he wanted kids, she didn't...because she thought all she could see ahead was a messy child custody battle. It's strange that Michael wanted to have biological kids with Lisa, but not use his own sperm cells with Debbie?... However, I think Blanket looks so much like Michael. Same exact eyes. He has dark skin too. Despite the psychological reasons for not wanting biological children, all three of them are his children and he was an amazing, amazing father. A father to put most fathers to shame. If you watch the clips, it's just incredible how he plays with them and also other clips of Michael playing with other kids like Macauley kid, I just couldn't stop smiling. All I could think about was that Michael was a big kid, that's all he was. He was having so much fun. It really is sad isn't it that his nose was so mutilated he had to wear a prosthetic tip? it was concave without it. The nose may not have been race related. He wanted a nose thinner than white people..noses come in all shapes in sizes whatever your race. He has been so badly wounded by taunts at his nose that he basically wanted it eradicated and altered dramatically. I love MJ, and I don't think he's a tragic figure unlike the director of Thriller but the one thing that intrigues me eerily, is the fact that Michael constructed himself many new faces to hide behind. They were quite literally masks. It wasn't his face. They were lies. When he looked into the mirror, it wasn't HIS face staring back at him. To me, that's truly frightening. I would be abosulty horrified if I looked into the mirror and couldn't recognize myself. I read a novel called 'Sarah's Face' and it reminded me of Michael a bit. It's about a girl obsessed with a superstar...everyone wears a mask of his face...she goes to live with him...he obsesses over her..his face gets mutilated by plastic surgery and he steals Sara's face after she agrees to an operation. I think they put it on his face, because he wanted her face. She is left without a face, and has to get a new one and a whole new identity. That concept alone..a whole new face..a whole new identity..I wonder if Michael got a new identity for every face? His signature certainly changed dramatically. Michael really did have vitiligo, you can see from the early pictures where his dark skin has white splotches.
However, judged by his choice of super narrow nose, and getting rid of his beautiful natural hair, I’d say he was ashamed of being black. It’s understandable and I totally agree with him when he tells Oprah,what about the people who spend hours in the sun trying to become other than what they are? what about self tan? dark people who bleach their skin get criticized, but no one thinks twice when white people darken their skin with self tan…to become other than what they are…
I love Michael. I miss him so much.
He was sensitive about his nose. His father teased him about it and his brothers teased him about it, his nickname was ‘Big Nose’ enough to give anyone a stigma, right? his cousins and everyone teased him about his acne. I think the acne and the nose problem for him caused major insecurities about his looks, the direct result being body dysmorphic syndrome. If his looks had been positively reinforced when he was young, he probably would never have developed the disorder. And then he went and had white children. The book Michael Jackson, the Magic and the Madness really helps you to understand…him and Lisa Marie had a wild hot sex life, he wanted kids, she didn’t…because she thought all she could see ahead was a messy child custody battle. It’s strange that Michael wanted to have biological kids with Lisa, but not use his own sperm cells with Debbie?… However, I think Blanket looks so much like Michael. Same exact eyes. He has dark skin too. Despite the psychological reasons for not wanting biological children, all three of them are his children and he was an amazing, amazing father. A father to put most fathers to shame. If you watch the clips, it’s just incredible how he plays with them and also other clips of Michael playing with other kids like Macauley kid, I just couldn’t stop smiling. All I could think about was that Michael was a big kid, that’s all he was. He was having so much fun.

It really is sad isn’t it that his nose was so mutilated he had to wear a prosthetic tip? it was concave without it. The nose may not have been race related. He wanted a nose thinner than white people..noses come in all shapes in sizes whatever your race. He has been so badly wounded by taunts at his nose that he basically wanted it eradicated and altered dramatically. I love MJ, and I don’t think he’s a tragic figure unlike the director of Thriller but the one thing that intrigues me eerily, is the fact that Michael constructed himself many new faces to hide behind. They were quite literally masks. It wasn’t his face. They were lies. When he looked into the mirror, it wasn’t HIS face staring back at him. To me, that’s truly frightening. I would be abosulty horrified if I looked into the mirror and couldn’t recognize myself. I read a novel called ‘Sarah’s Face’ and it reminded me of Michael a bit. It’s about a girl obsessed with a superstar…everyone wears a mask of his face…she goes to live with him…he obsesses over her..his face gets mutilated by plastic surgery and he steals Sara’s face after she agrees to an operation. I think they put it on his face, because he wanted her face. She is left without a face, and has to get a new one and a whole new identity. That concept alone..a whole new face..a whole new identity..I wonder if Michael got a new identity for every face? His signature certainly changed dramatically.

]]> By: Cam http://www.whatwouldthembido.com/2009/07/michael-jackson-and-the-five-stages-of-grief-bargaining.html/comment-page-1#comment-4884 Cam Tue, 25 Aug 2009 02:18:28 +0000 http://www.whatwouldthembido.com/?p=1937#comment-4884 I'm an 80s baby, just getting into MJ around the time "Thriller" came out. I didn't love the music until "Bad"... which is when he began turning lighter for whatever reason. Still to this day, he was my favorite entertainer. Couldn't NO ONE captivate me with a stage performance quite like him, and I doubt anyone will for a very long time, if not ever. But what hurt me the most aren't the accusations of child molestation, but what it meant to me as a young boy seeing someone go from my shade of dark brown to a "pale face". It HURT my psyche because I look at it and see pain, resentment, and self hatred. The multiple plastic surgeries, the restructuring of his face..... it nearly brings tears to my eyes to think he hated himself THAT much where he didn't want to be Black anymore. His voice was the same as I remembered it listening to Thriller & Bad, but in appearance, he wen from looking like a Black man to a White woman. And that STILL messes with me from time to time. He is still my favorite musician because his music is timeless. I'll always wonder if the price he paid - self mutilation - for super stardom unlike any I've ever witnessed..... was worth it. I’m an 80s baby, just getting into MJ around the time “Thriller” came out. I didn’t love the music until “Bad”… which is when he began turning lighter for whatever reason.

Still to this day, he was my favorite entertainer. Couldn’t NO ONE captivate me with a stage performance quite like him, and I doubt anyone will for a very long time, if not ever. But what hurt me the most aren’t the accusations of child molestation, but what it meant to me as a young boy seeing someone go from my shade of dark brown to a “pale face”. It HURT my psyche because I look at it and see pain, resentment, and self hatred. The multiple plastic surgeries, the restructuring of his face….. it nearly brings tears to my eyes to think he hated himself THAT much where he didn’t want to be Black anymore. His voice was the same as I remembered it listening to Thriller & Bad, but in appearance, he wen from looking like a Black man to a White woman. And that STILL messes with me from time to time.

He is still my favorite musician because his music is timeless. I’ll always wonder if the price he paid – self mutilation – for super stardom unlike any I’ve ever witnessed….. was worth it.

]]> By: Shaaheen Adam http://www.whatwouldthembido.com/2009/07/michael-jackson-and-the-five-stages-of-grief-bargaining.html/comment-page-1#comment-4733 Shaaheen Adam Wed, 12 Aug 2009 03:22:15 +0000 http://www.whatwouldthembido.com/?p=1937#comment-4733 Well in my opinion it doesn't matter what he did, as it is his personal life and his hard earned money, if he wanted to do plastic surgery its upto him, if he wanted to have straight hair thats upto him, if we dont like it we have the choice not to watch him perform, so i guess what he did is what he felt was right, so we should all respect his choice. We love you michael its not what you are outside that got our respect, its your very soul, and we'll always love you. Well in my opinion it doesn’t matter what he did, as it is his personal life and his hard earned money, if he wanted to do plastic surgery its upto him, if he wanted to have straight hair thats upto him, if we dont like it we have the choice not to watch him perform, so i guess what he did is what he felt was right, so we should all respect his choice. We love you michael its not what you are outside that got our respect, its your very soul, and we’ll always love you.

]]> By: Monique http://www.whatwouldthembido.com/2009/07/michael-jackson-and-the-five-stages-of-grief-bargaining.html/comment-page-1#comment-4686 Monique Sun, 09 Aug 2009 03:48:23 +0000 http://www.whatwouldthembido.com/?p=1937#comment-4686 honestly i don't think he had vitilligo i think after he was burned in the pepsi commercial he was trying to get his skin the same color and just kept doing it michael jackson is an amazing man he did charity, he was a great father even at 45 he was an amazing performer i was only 8 and i fell in love with his music, he was handsome with out all the nose jobs but i think because his father made fun of it he felt like everyone else didn't like it so he kept trying to perfect his nose when i see michael like he is now i try not to think about his looks he was so tortured about his looks about how he raised his kids and the molestation charges there have been so many jokes about him and i think it's ashame that everybody realized how great he was after he died and i feel sorry for his kids and family. honestly i don’t think he had vitilligo i think after he was burned in the pepsi commercial he was trying to get his skin the same color and just kept doing it michael jackson is an amazing man he did charity, he was a great father even at 45 he was an amazing performer i was only 8 and i fell in love with his music, he was handsome with out all the nose jobs but i think because his father made fun of it he felt like everyone else didn’t like it so he kept trying to perfect his nose when i see michael like he is now i try not to think about his looks he was so tortured about his looks about how he raised his kids and the molestation charges there have been so many jokes about him and i think it’s ashame that everybody realized how great he was after he died and i feel sorry for his kids and family.

]]> By: Adrienne http://www.whatwouldthembido.com/2009/07/michael-jackson-and-the-five-stages-of-grief-bargaining.html/comment-page-1#comment-4547 Adrienne Sat, 25 Jul 2009 14:17:02 +0000 http://www.whatwouldthembido.com/?p=1937#comment-4547 Thank you for the comments. I am a lifelong fan of Michael Jackson. I never once paid any attention to his change of appearance and never thought that he wanted to be white. I accepted it that he had Vitilago. I felt really bad for him how he was treated in the media by his looks. I always loved his music and will never forget in 5th grade when I got" Off the Wall." To me Michael Jackson will always be that sweet guy who sang,"She's Out of my life." I know that there are many MJ haters and people who criticized his appearance. But, it didn't matter. It is really sad how people saw this change in appearance then tried to link that to the "strangeness" and eventually the allegations. That is really sad. I will ALWAYS stand by that MJ was a very shy guy who loved God and was a child of heart. I love you MJ now and forever. God Bless the Jackson family. Thank you for the comments. I am a lifelong fan of Michael Jackson. I never once paid any attention to his change of appearance and never thought that he wanted to be white. I accepted it that he had Vitilago. I felt really bad for him how he was treated in the media by his looks. I always loved his music and will never forget in 5th grade when I got” Off the Wall.” To me Michael Jackson will always be that sweet guy who sang,”She’s Out of my life.” I know that there are many MJ haters and people who criticized his appearance. But, it didn’t matter. It is really sad how people saw this change in appearance then tried to link that to the “strangeness” and eventually the allegations. That is really sad. I will ALWAYS stand by that MJ was a very shy guy who loved God and was a child of heart. I love you MJ now and forever. God Bless the Jackson family.

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