You think black folks got problems getting into swimming pools these days? A heatwave is sweeping across parts of China bringing temperatures of over 104 degrees so folks over there have to cool off somehow. How about a cool and quiet day at the beach? Set up your umbrella and sprawl out on the soft sand…

Hop into the ocean and let the cool salt water soothe your hot n’ tired body…

Not in the mood for sand and seaweed? Try a refreshing swim in the local indoor pool.

Enough sarcasm…I know there are like a billion people in China so everyplace is probably pretty crowded, and anyone whose been to Asia or even Chinatown knows that personal space is pretty much a nonexistent concept…but how could the laws of physics allow for each individual to be cooler than the atmosphere with this many people per square foot? Why do they have inner tubes in an ocean THAT crowded as if anyone is going to sink to the bottom and not get stepped on? How are you gonna wear a swim cap when there’s not enough space to put your head underwater? And I know that water must be all kinds of cloudy with mad floaties in it, or at the very least all tart and spicy like pickle juice.

Dear China: Please keep making cheap exports like electronics and plastics and whatnot, just stop making babies. In fact, stop gettin’ busy altogether, at least for a while. Be a country, not a real-life “Where’s Waldo” book. Lova ya! Thembi.