Cheddar? I Hardly Know Her. In Fact, I’ll Pass.
CINCINNATI — Elmwood Place police say they caught an alleged thief chewing the evidence over the weekend.
Court records show Maria Magobet, 50, from Dayton allegedly ordered lunch meat and cheese from the deli counter at Valley Grocery on Vine Street on Saturday, then walked out the store without paying.
Police noted a pickle was recovered from Magobet before she left the store.
When police caught up with Magobet, officers say they saw bits of lunch meat on Magobet’s mouth and shirt. Police also say she was still chewing and admitted to just eating some meat.
Magobet is charged with theft and attempted theft. She was arraigned on Monday.
Thembi Says: I sometimes think that law enforcement and the media have colluded to make black folks look like scavengers, and then I think about it and realize that you can’t make this stuff up and we NEED to talk about it amongst ourselves. Do not let the cretinous/serpentlike appearance of this woman distract you. There are some things we need to address and I’d like to begin with the petty ones. I am so mad at Maria for absconding from a deli with lunch meat and cheese but somehow not making it out of the store with the pickle. The liberal in me is screaming “well, maybe she is poor and hungry!” but the blackgirl in me knows that fresh fingerwaves cost more than a trip to the deli, and maybe it’s time to prioritize. Lastly, please PLEASE do not be the one to get caught with crumbly lips in your mugshot. A simple wipe would have taken this incident from the race disgrace that it is to a place where we’d simply sit back and wonder what chemical imbalance may have led to the present state of affairs in Maria Magobet’s life. I speak not from a place of elitism or conceit about my own beauty, but from a place of amazement. It’s times like these I wish I was really famous and stuff so that people could view ending up on this blog as a deterrent from petty crimes, because lord knows there are bigger scores to get caught making than a few mouths-full of pastrami and provolone. Girl, what is really going on?