I WILL Fry and Eat Yo’ Goldfish!

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Thembi Ford 1 October 2009 5 Comments

Cops: Woman fried, ate goldfish amid fight with ex

PASADENA, Texas — Authorities say a Houston-area woman who was burned up at her former common-law husband fried their pet goldfish and ate some of them.

Pasadena police say it’s a civil matter and no charges will be filed. The seven goldfish were purchased together by the couple during happier times.

Police spokesman Vance Mitchell says the man reported on Saturday that the woman took the goldfish from his apartment.

Mitchell says the two argued earlier about some jewelry the man had given her but took back. She wanted the jewelry returned.

Officers who were dispatched to the woman’s home arrived to find four fried goldfish on a plate. The woman said she already ate the other three.

Thembi Says: I’ve been really mad at dudes before and done a lot of stuff I’m not proud of in response. I’ve thrown things, torn things, and screamed at the top of my lungs. I’ve threatened to call baby mommas, the police, and/or bail bondsmen. I’ve even cracked voicemal codes and the password on a special someone’s MySpace account and done some much-needed friend deleting just ‘cuz I had it like that. But eating goldfish? Naw, buddy. Not only is that just nasty and a mean thing to do to a bunch of little fishies, there can’t be much meat on them (although they are edible) so what’s the point? Besides, there are too many unknowns in this scenario. When is the last time the water has been changed? And, more importantly, how many Weight Watchers points does a goldfish have? I’m sure that in the end she felt supremely triumphant after playing such a powerful ace in the hole, but one still has to wonder how the argument escalated to “Fool, gimme my jewrie or I will fry and eat yo’ goldfish! I mean it, dude. Fry AND eat!”

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5 Comments »

OneChele said:

That is HILARIOUS. I’m dying to know what she fried it up in – old skool cornmeal or did she go butter saute with a garlic reduction. Ha! That’s some “pisstivity” to follow through on the threat.

# 1 October 2009 at 12:21 am

sparkle said:

for real? FOR REAL, THOUGH? ate the goldfish? for what? someone needs to explain to me how the hell that could have possibly helped anything, proven any point, or made him wish he hadn’t pissed her off. wackness!

# 1 October 2009 at 1:26 am

Guillermo said:

She plated 7 goldfish.

# 1 October 2009 at 11:25 am

BCU said:

ROTFLMAO @ this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

# 1 October 2009 at 11:26 am

Tawney said:

I’m filing this under “One Million + Reasons I LOVE Texas”…

# 18 October 2009 at 5:01 pm

So what do you think? Please be respectful to other readers!

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THROWBACK POST!!

Police Sketches of Black Dudes

By Thembi Ford on September 26, 2007

Police sketch artist drawings of black people are notoriously poor and rarely look like anyone in particular. I’m convinced that when asked to describe the suspect, witnesses just describe the last black male they saw, even if they last saw a black male on television. So I did a little Thembi-style experiment by going online and digging up dozens of sketches of black suspects to see just who the strong arm of the law is looking for.

Posted in Not Racist Cuz It's True., Our Shame, What the Eff?, Yipes! | 21 Responses

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