“What The Eff?” Wednesday: “Enter The Ninja,” the South African Rap Video from Hell
I love hip-hop in the way one loves the last few seasons of a television show after it has already jumped the shark. Sure, it’s not what it used to be and you’re a little disappointed in the direction it’s taken, but it’s still one of the best things around and you’re thankful for all of the good times. Now that hip-hop has gone completely international it’s hard not to feel a sense of ownership when it comes to rap music — I mean, I am a black American from the Northeast and all. This is why I will laugh at anyone from another country who tries to be “hip-hop,” specifically if they’re doing it wrong. Meet Die Antwoord, some kind of group, or maybe individual rapper, who is definitely a ninja. Or something. Just watch.
It would probably take a few hours of listening for my ears to get adjusted to Afrikaans, so I’m not going to even think about evaluating or understanding what your boy is talking about. The way he’s talking about it in that really aggressive early 90’s washed up white rapper looking type of way, well yeah that’s of concern too, because it makes me think of that Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Vanilla Ice song.
There are two things I need to understand: first, is this child porn? I’m going to tell myself no so that I don’t feel gross, but that little pixie girl was definitely half naked and touching herself in a way that Benson and Stabler would never go for. Second is the elephant in the room…I’m so down with little people and anyone who has overcome unfortunate biological circumstances to live a happy life, but is there really a progeria child in this video as the sidekick? Remember how Kid Rock used to have a dwarf in his crew all the time? Is this Die Antwoord’s way of upping the ante, on some “naw son, having a midget in your crew, that’s dead, I’m rolling with my progeria mans n’ em!” stuff? I definitely want this kid to do everything he can in his short life and have a blast, but are punkish hip-hop artists going to continue one-upping each other until they’re carrying premature babies with them on stage or trying to be down with the Tree Man or the Horned Lady just so their entourage looks hot? This is a legitimate concern.
I don’t want to think about this anymore because that song was creepily catchy.