What Would Thembi Do? » Crime of Fashion

Aretha Franklin Does It Again.

Thembi Ford — Wed, 16 Jun 2010 12:39:57 +0000

I am not in the business of disrespecting legends. I swear I'm not. But Aretha Franklin is really starting to try my patience. This is a very grown black lady look - her blonde highlighted wig is tossed to the side and she is wearing it like she's got some business. As usual, her bountiful breasts are howling out less so for R-E-S-P-E-C-T and more for S-U-P-P-O-R-T. I mean, I just

Pimp With “Exquisitely Styled” Hair Sentenced to 18 Years

Thembi Ford — Fri, 21 May 2010 19:38:53 +0000

Jersey City Society Hill pimp is sentenced to 18 years in prison

Society Hill pimp Allen E. Brown got a little testy in court this morning and was sentenced to 18 years in prison by Judge Kevin Callahan in Hudson County Superior Court in Jersey City. Brown, aka Prince, was shocked at the length of the sentence. "18 years?" Brown blurted out in court when Callahan announced the sentence. "This will take you to your 60th birthday until you see the light of day" said Callahan. "The

“What The Eff?” Wednesday: “Philipinas Got Talent” Presents Big Mouth

Thembi Ford — Wed, 31 Mar 2010 13:19:52 +0000

You know those Filipino prisoner dance videos that have been floating around the internet for the past few years? I have Filipino friend who explained them by telling me that her people love to sing and dance and have true reverence for the ability to entertain. Logically speaking then, the Filipino version of the "Got Talent," franchise should be a doozy, right? Meet BM, which stands for Big Mouth. BM actually has a big mouth and big ol' eyes and a Big Bird inspired cape to match. I won't label BM with a gender but s/he has a great voice

Regarding Online Dating Ads, St. Patrick’s Day, and Being A Black Lady

Thembi Ford — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 18:23:24 +0000

The whole online dating thing is beyond out of control. This weekend BlackPeopleMeet.com tried to break fly and use a picture of D'Angelo in a Facebook ad, so I roasted them appropriately and moved on. But then this morning I opened my e-mail to find this:

Direct your gaze to the upper left-hand corner. Did a Black Big Beautiful Women dating site just send me a St. Paddy's Day promotion? Let me explain. A few years ago I did an online dating experiment. I

Russian Ice Skaters Go Aboriginal…Offensive or Just Lame?

Thembi Ford — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 22:08:38 +0000

I’m not going to break out a poll for this one. I’m just sharing this image to try and wrap my own head around it because while I don’t consider Australian Aborigines “black,” I watched Spike Lee’s Bamboozled last night, maybe I’m being a little sensitive, and I’d love to hear your opinions.

“What The Eff?” Wednesday: Who Is Corey Johnson aka Musicorey?

Thembi Ford — Wed, 20 Jan 2010 02:36:54 +0000

People always ask me, "Thembi, how do you find this stuff?" Well, this week I'm going to walk you through the process because there is no reason why a perfectly sane woman such as myself should be asking any questions about Corey Johnson. Please bear with me as I take you through the tragically painful journey of discovering all there is to know about this person.

“What The Eff?” Wednesday: Ten Crazy Christmas Album Covers

Thembi Ford — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 17:28:11 +0000

Everyone who is anyone has a Christmas album, but in a rush to take advantage of our holiday cheer (i.e. trick us into buying bad music just because its Christmas-y) some artists have to cut corners on the cover art. Here are 10 prime examples of such ridiculousness.

10. "Naughty or Nice" - 3LW

The gall of 3LW to release a Christmas album at all (let alone with only two members, one of which is wearing a Christmas fur bra top)

Aretha’s New Hat

Thembi Ford — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 16:43:10 +0000

Oh, Aretha. I love you for your participation in the phenomenon of black women and hat-wearing. However, I can't help but think that if it's cold enough to stick your head through a fur muff, it makes no sense to have your ample breasts exposed while doing so.

You're either cold or you're hot - which is it? Also, there comes a point where fur just makes big folks look like Jim Henson monsters - say Snuffalupagus or Bluto from Labyrinth. Besides, we don't want the tabloids to pick up on this and start the rumor that you've

Chris Brown, His Tie, and The Black Comedic Tradition

Thembi Ford — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 17:25:14 +0000

I’ve stayed quiet on the Chris Brown/Rihanna situation because the thought of one person beating another person until her mouth fills with blood is not very funny and you know I like to crack myself up. Notice that I did…

Black Hair Talk: White Girls With Black Haircuts

Thembi Ford — Tue, 11 Aug 2009 13:05:53 +0000

I need for white girls and fellas to stop getting blackgirl haircuts. Cease and desist. Do not pass Go or collect two hundred dollars. In the immortal words of Full House's Uncle Joey "Cut. It. Out."

Kate Gosselin, I see you. I hate that you've been abandoned by your man and are now the single mother of eight screaming kids (as much as that sounds like a stereotypical black woman's dilemma). But you're not doing yourself any favors with that characteristically complicated blackgirl haircut. Why on earth would a white woman do such a thing?