What Would Thembi Do? » Hip Hop Is Dead.

The Years Have Not Been Kind To Coolio

Thembi Ford — Thu, 17 Jun 2010 14:38:42 +0000

Contrary to your assertions, Coolio, life IS NOT a fantastic voyage of any sort. If you look left to right really fast doesn't it remind you of a vase of wilted flowers?

“What The Eff?” Wednesday: “Enter The Ninja,” the South African Rap Video from Hell

Thembi Ford — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 18:09:43 +0000

I love hip-hop in the way one loves the last few seasons of a television show after it has already jumped the shark. Sure, it's not what it used to be and you're a little disappointed in the direction it's taken, but it's still one of the best things around and you're thankful for all of the good times. Now that hip-hop has gone completely international it's hard not to feel a sense of ownership when it comes to rap music -- I mean, I am a black American from the Northeast and all. This is why I will laugh at anyone

“What The Eff?” Wednesday: Ripples, Rolls, and Rebellion

Thembi Ford — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 16:46:57 +0000

As a little girl (and for that matter, as a teenager) I was so self-conscious about letting people see me dance. I think it all goes back to fourth grade, when I was in non-optional after-school jazz and tap classes.…

Black Hair Talk: White Girls With Black Haircuts

Thembi Ford — Tue, 11 Aug 2009 13:05:53 +0000

I need for white girls and fellas to stop getting blackgirl haircuts. Cease and desist. Do not pass Go or collect two hundred dollars. In the immortal words of Full House's Uncle Joey "Cut. It. Out."

Kate Gosselin, I see you. I hate that you've been abandoned by your man and are now the single mother of eight screaming kids (as much as that sounds like a stereotypical black woman's dilemma). But you're not doing yourself any favors with that characteristically complicated blackgirl haircut. Why on earth would a white woman do such a thing?

Odds & Ends

Thembi Ford — Sun, 09 Aug 2009 20:16:12 +0000

Oh, Google Reader, thank you for the share function and for friends like Mr. Smart Guy who share things with me that no one should see, like this "back boobage/diminished glutes," tragedy posted by Saney Sane over at In Hood Terms. Now I get to share it with you but still pretend that I had nothing to do with spreading it across the Internet. Figuring out this woman's body is a Rubix Cube level endeavor, so good luck.

This is Why We Don’t Have Nothin’

Thembi Ford — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 14:56:56 +0000

Louisiana State Representative Barbara Norton (in the blue) is Hurricane Chris’s godmother, so I’m sure it was her pleasure to present him with a House Resolution commending him for “outstanding musical accomplishments.” By this she means beating America over the…

Worst. Mom. EVER.

Thembi Ford — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 14:38:55 +0000

My son is turning 16 and really wanted Lil Wayne to perform for his birthday gala. Unfortunately his schedule will not permit him to make it. I need a Lil Wayne impersonator desperately. Here is the kicker my son is blind so you do not need to look like the rapper just sound like him.

This Week’s Love/Hate Relationship With Black Pop Culture

Thembi Ford — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 10:00:08 +0000

My take on this week in black pop culture! Is this really necessary, T-Pain? I get so irritated at myself for paying this kind of mess any mind because that's just what this autotunin' fool wants, but to spend $410k on an almost-humorously redundant chain without it actually being funny? It may be the struggling writer in me talking but that really fries my rice! I haven't seen anything this ridiculous in a long minute. Hate.

“What The Eff?” Wednesday: Disturbing Strokes, Indeed

Thembi Ford — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 21:31:18 +0000

I hate the internet so very much. Seriously, I start off looking into something that is borderline scholarly and end up finding types of despair that make me realize that I have no business looking on the internet with an empty stomach. I started out at Mental Floss (a nerd site) where I discovered this tickling re-interpretation of the opening credits to Diff'rent Strokes called "Disturbing Strokes." It's entertaining to see how much different music can change the intentions of Mr. Drummond. Check it out:

“What The Eff?” Wednesday: Down With Fast Food!

Thembi Ford — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 19:25:39 +0000

I crave fast food on a regular basis. I'm a big greedy American and have no problem admitting it. In fact, I think that anyone who insists that there isn't a single fast food item they sometimes crave is either a hypocrite, liar, or just in denial. Fast food is kind of like Michael Jackson in that sense; even if you believe that he molested those little boys nearly every person on this earth still at least secretly considers at least one MJ song a timeless jam. When it comes to fast food, Burger King's Whopper has an opiate-like hold over me. I also love Pizza Hut and McDonald's Strawberry Shakes, but I cant let myself have any of them but once a financial quarter because my genes just won't withstand that kind of flagrant fat person eating. For Thembi, having a Value Meal is like pulling the rip chord on my thighs; the next day my clothes will not even fit! Not only that, but I know that the nutritional content is next to none, the industry as a machine is a problematic at best, and I certainly do not trust the employees to keep rat feces, or their own bodily discharge for that matter, out of my meal. Therefore I've decided to boycott all fast food establishments and I hope you'll join me. My reasons?