I’ve been slippin’ on my Old School Friday contributions but can’t pass up this week’s theme.

I’ll take any excuse to talk about Xscape. Do you understand how much I look(ed) like Latocha Scott, the big girl from the group? I’ve had a photo of her in place of my Facebook avatar for going on two weeks now and dozens of people have assumed that it’s really me and congratulated me on the sexy new glamour shots. Case in point: a comparison of my junior prom pic and one of Ms. Scott during the same era.

Another Old School Friday is upon us, and this week’s theme is especially exciting. Blame my overactive imagination, the fact that no real boys liked me, or my persistent couch potato tendencies, but I have had more crushes than I’ve ever known what to do with. I have always been boy crazy, and a simple search of this blog for the world “crush” shows how ridiculous I am.

Maybe it’s just our recent culture of “brushing off haters,” but I have a heard time drawing a full distinction between “I’m so inspired!” and “I’ll show ‘em!” Let’s say, for example, your goal is to make a bunch of money. Do you focus on flashing your bling in the faces of people who mocked you for having flat pockets, or do you remind yourself everyday that riches are within your reach? When trying to lose a few pounds, is it about that guy who rejected you for a slimmer companion, or is it just about proving to…

One of my New Year’s resolutions was to spend as little time as possible telling people what I don’t like or care about. Critique is one thing, but just moaning about how wack stuff is gets lame so fast and is certainly a waste of time. It’s unfortunate then, that I didn’t choose this week’s theme, “Songs I Can’t Deal With,” because then I wouldn’t have to tell you how infuriated the “Cha Cha Slide,” always makes me.

While technically not old school, the Cha Cha slide was invented in 1996 by Chicago’s DJ Casper. According to my inside…

My freshman year of high school was so uneventful that I don’t even remember it. All I recall is my first serious teacher, Mr. Mealey, making me think about science in a logical and analytical way that until that point was unprecedented (even in the Mentally Gifted Program). A quick glance at the wiki entry on music of 1993 makes matters much clearer: that was the year of Wu-Tang’s Enter The Wu-Tang (36 Chambers).

Mmmm hmmm, that’s right. That is Ghostface Killah aka Tony Starks aka the thug gangsta jump off man of my fantasies with yours truly. Last weekend Ghostface did a show in my town, and when I heard he’d be signing autographs just

I’m well aware of the fact that I haven’t been to the gym in a while, but this week’s theme sent me searching for one of my workout mixes in iTunes only to discover that I’d deleted them. All of them. Talk about giving up. I’ll get back in there one day, I’m sure…

Anyway, my favorite song to workout to is Twista’s “Overnight Celebrity” (it’s my ’stripper song’) but that came out in 2004 and is not at all old school. Instead I’ll turn to my favorite sample original/sampling song pairing: 1980’s “Far Beyond,” by Locksmith and 1999’s “Red Alert,” by Bassment Jaxx.

Locksmith is the band that used to play with Grover Washington Jr. in the late 1970’s. The non-video is boring, but the bass-line and call and response

DMX is the most gettin-arrestedest Negro in music, so when I saw the theme “Criminal Minded,” he came to mind immediately. It’s so easy to make fun of ol’ Earl Simmons, or really anyone who’s been arrested so many times that even he admits he lost count, but I really feel for the guy. His drug problem, manic depression, and childhood of abuse and foster care create an all-too-common trifecta of risk factors for a life in and out of lockup. Not only that, but DMX is just weird. He barks, stares intensely, says crazy things, and has the most unique baby mama drama – perhaps because he was married at the time, DMX alleged that

Chaka Khan has a distinctive, amazing voice, a dazzling stage presence, and a fascinating life story. But what I really care about is the hair. Ever since I knew there was a Chaka Khan I’ve wanted my hair to be just like hers. In fact, no matter which stage in my hair journey I’ve been in, I’ve asked each stylist to give me something as close to a Chaka Khan ‘do as they can, and no one has chosen to oblige. The woman’s hair is huge, nappy, red, and ridiculous in a way that everyone has to look at her…

Part of being old school is the belief that whatever the kids are doing now is weak, wack, nonsensical, and just no good compared to what we had going on in our day. It just so happens that The Stanky Leg, The Ricky Bobby, and The Crank Dat Whomever are weak and wack, but it’s a classic oldhead foible to believe that we were doing so much better fifteen years ago because, sadly, we weren’t.

Case in point: The Tootsee Roll. How did the 69 Boyz convince the world that there was a significant difference between The Butterfly and The Tootsee Roll?

Every summer I pick a few jams and make them my theme songs and the older the get the more explaining I have to do about why on Earth I feel the need to do so. It’s one of those oldhead things that makes me realize that I just get stranger and stranger as I age, and part of that is reflected in the need to play music that makes me feel pumped and ready for the world and I don’t mean no Sounds of Blackness.