Anyone who’s spent a little time in Philadelphia knows that we have a distinctive culture all our own. One of our dirtier little secrets is Jomar. This small chain of stores sells anything you can think of at a deep discount. Sure most of the stuff is off-brand, damaged, really dirty or just fell off of a truck. So what if my father, who is as notorious a bargain hunter as I am, once found a pair of pants there with a mousetrap stuck to them (you know, the glue kind). And even more of a so what if all of the signs and price tags are produced on ink jet printers in a not very glamorous Times New Roman font? There are bargains in there! A friend of mine spotted this very what-the-eff-worthy display at a Jomar in South Philadelphia.

As soon as she showed me this I hopped in the car to see for myself. What the eff is “ethnic hair deodorizer” and how can I get my hands on some before they inevitably run out?

I love The Pope’s hats, everyone single one of ‘em. In fact I was in search of one not too long ago that I could modify for my Queen Latifah costume for Halloween last year (I ended up going…

Guys . . . you know. . . we’re all having tough times. Pinching pennies, tightening belts, and cutting open tubes of toothpaste for that last brush-worth instead of just tossing them isn’t just thrifty, its mandatory. I’ve been using the same stick of deodorant until the plastic scratches my pits and banging ketchup bottles against the table before I dare open a new one. And yes, I’m rocking last year’s flip-flops. But come on, yo.

Wearing someone else’s flip-flops is not simply a sure road to foot fungus, but its just downright nasty. Times are not tough enough

You think black folks got problems getting into swimming pools these days? A heatwave is sweeping across parts of China bringing temperatures of over 104 degrees so folks over there have to cool off somehow. How about a cool and quiet day at the beach? Set up your umbrella and sprawl out on the soft sand…

Hop into the ocean and let the cool salt water soothe your hot n’ tired body…

Bella Mafia Quack-a-Fella Records Incorporated by Rhyme Syndicate Three Yellow Men Trillionaire Club. Learn.

People always call me mean because I laugh at others but the older I get the more entitled I feel to do so. It stands to reason that if what you offer sucks, you should just try harder. There are no gold stars for effort and your heart will not be blessed just because you have no idea how terrible you are at what you’re doing – unless, of course, we can laugh at you while you do it. So today I’m going to give some of the World’s Worst their due – no one may think you’re any good but Thembi thinks you’re great for a laugh so keep on keepin’ on, boo.

World’s Worst Comedian

Just when you thought VHS was dead someone digs up a video of a brother wearing a string tie and smartly-cocked red beret. Meet Darrell Bluett, whose “World of Pictures,” stand up routine is an Internet sensation that you can’t afford to miss.

Do you know what a contronym is? It’s one of my favorite grammar terms and means “a word with two meanings that are opposites.” One such example is the word “perm,” which means two totally different things depending on cultural context and can create a “Who’s On First,” type of situation when our hair is the topic of conversation in the workplace. Where does one even begin when an innocent white person asks if you got a perm because your hair is suddenly curly?

My son is turning 16 and really wanted Lil Wayne to perform for his birthday gala. Unfortunately his schedule will not permit him to make it. I need a Lil Wayne impersonator desperately.
Here is the kicker my son is blind so you do not need to look like the rapper just sound like him.

I would just have to kill myself. Real talk.

My current landlord (who could never be worse than my last one), keeps trying to out-think me regarding the mouse problem in this apartment. I’ve seen these critters up in here on multiple occasions and have caught enough of them to know that there is a steady supply of rodentia coming through my spot. When I tell him that he needs to handle it better he shrugs and says that he cant figure out where they could possibly be coming from, implying that the problem must be all in my head. Hunh?

Ok sweetie, we’re gonna try a few different set-ups to really nail this year’s yearbook photo. Let’s see that beautiful smile, sunshine!

That’s all.

God bless the tenacity of the American spirit and its fruits. Thanks to our universal get-up-and-go, local businesses have been braving the economic downturn by doing whatever it takes to bring customers into stores. The Red House Furniture…

The first time I heard the term “camel toe,” I was so perplexed and offended. It sounds like an immature, misogynistic way to describe the female anatomy. Then I realized that it’s just a tacky…

I hate the internet so very much. Seriously, I start off looking into something that is borderline scholarly and end up finding types of despair that make me realize that I have no business looking on the internet with an empty stomach. I started out at Mental Floss (a nerd site) where I discovered this tickling re-interpretation of the opening credits to Diff’rent Strokes called “Disturbing Strokes.” It’s entertaining to see how much different music can change the intentions of Mr. Drummond. Check it out:

I crave fast food on a regular basis. I’m a big greedy American and have no problem admitting it. In fact, I think that anyone who insists that there isn’t a single fast food item they sometimes crave is either a hypocrite, liar, or just in denial. Fast food is kind of like Michael Jackson in that sense; even if you believe that he molested those little boys nearly every person on this earth still at least secretly considers at least one MJ song a timeless jam. When it comes to fast food, Burger King’s Whopper has an opiate-like hold over me. I also love Pizza Hut and McDonald’s Strawberry Shakes, but I cant let myself have any of them but once a financial quarter because my genes just won’t withstand that kind of flagrant fat person eating. For Thembi, having a Value Meal is like pulling the rip chord on my thighs; the next day my clothes will not even fit! Not only that, but I know that the nutritional content is next to none, the industry as a machine is a problematic at best, and I certainly do not trust the employees to keep rat feces, or their own bodily discharge for that matter, out of my meal. Therefore I’ve decided to boycott all fast food establishments and I hope you’ll join me. My reasons?

Ive been a blogger for going on two years now and there is one thing I’ve still yet to grasp – how is it that videos become viral on these internets and why? Today I’ve spotted this video through two separate websites and I don’t think either post did the wonder that is La’Domour justice. Resist the temptation to just close your browser and hear me out for a few moments. Can anyone tell me if there’s ever been a more doomed intro to an artists bio, even on Myspace?

La’Domour, aka Myron Thurmond, a native of Detroit Michigan . . .

Why do black folks always have to French-ify names? To make them sound sexy or exotic (or, most likely, like something we have no business messing with)? I hate to break it to Myron but there is no such French word structure as “La’Domour” and as an unjustifiably francophilic black person I am so put out by what seems to be Myron’s misunderstanding that “Domour” means something. So then I mosied on over to BlackPlanet, where I discovered his username is “loveyougood6969.” That made me hit the back button and start reading his bio again: